Break up with your boyfriend

Chapter eighteen: we don't hurt the people that we love

Notes: not me finally updatinggggg

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The car ride back home with Liam is awkward.

The two of them haven't said much of anything to one another between leaving the house and getting into the car. Zayn isn't sure how he feels about any of it as they drive down the darkened streets in silence.

Though the one thing that he is certain of is the fact that he's thoroughly shaken by the events that have transpired tonight.

Between the harsh words from Adam and the unexpected protectiveness from Liam, it was a lot to process.

He has no idea what to say to Liam, or where to even begin in conversation. What could he say?Thank you comes to mind but doesn't feel quite right because in all honesty, he isn't thankful. He's not thankful for any of this.

And he knows that he should be grateful Liam stepped in when he did, and maybe even some small part of him is, but ultimately he just feels angry, confused, and upset.

He knows that his anger and frustrations aren't solely on Liam alone, that the man shouldn't be the one who has to face the brunt of his wraith in the grand scheme of things. But he finds that surprisingly, a large portion of his anger is directed at Liam.

And maybe not all of that anger is derived from the events that have played out today, but he can't deny that it's there anyway, no matter what it's from or how it got there.

The worst part of this, he guesses, is the fact that he doesn't know how to convey any of it without sounding like an absolute lunatic.

It sounds crazy enough in his head and he's almost afraid to voice it out loud at the expense of the peace and quiet that's been granted momentarily.

And so it eats away at him as does the silence.

He doesn't speak a word for majority of the ride, hazel eyes fixed on the scenery of shadows and bright lights that pass by his window. He isn't sure how much time passes like this but at some point, he closes his eyes, and when he opens them again they're pulling up to a curb outside his house.

The street is quiet and all the lights in the house are off--which is to be expected. It's late and he told his dad that he would be staying the night at Adam's. Staring at the pathway leading up to the front door, Zayn can feel his stomach turn with dread and anticipation. He's not entirely sure why or what for, he's been here with Liam thousands of times before. But this time feels different from all of the rest and not in a good way.

Without speaking a word, Liam kills the engine to the car and the small space goes dead silent. Zayn continues to stare out his window, avoiding looking at Liam. He knows that the brunette is gearing up to say something, that there is no way he's leaving out this car without something being said and he's dreading it.

He knows that Liam isn't going to let tonight go, that he's going to bring it up even though it's the last thing Zayn wants to talk about.

"So, uh, you okay?"

And there it is. The subtle olive branch to talk about what has happened tonight, the thing he had been anticipating--dreading.

Zayn closes his eyes tight at this, sucking in a deep breath.

The question provokes an unsettling feeling of annoyance despite its simplicity. It's the kind of annoyance that bubbles to the surface without warning and in concerningly large amounts over the small things that have started to add up over time. This is the part he had been dreading the most, the part where he'd get irrevocably annoyed with Liam and have to figure out a way to defuse the overwhelming emotional time bomb before it went off and he snapped on Liam.