The Besotted

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To say my first day back did not go as I expected would be an understatement.

And I'm not gonna lie shame, Mam'Ntombi's daughter was nervous as hell walking back up into this shit. Zayn may have assured me his brother will behave and won't fire me, but I don't think that guy is the one to be told what to do.

So my plan was to make myself as small as possible today, to be inconspicuous, be neither seen nor heard. No ripples, no shaking tables.

We all know he's gonna fire me soon, but I need to delay the inevitable for as long as I can.

It really sunk in the second I stepped off that elevator again, and I was once again faced with the sheer grandness of this place. I don't think I will ever get used to it.

I've been coming here for weeks, and it still takes my breath away.

If only those bitches from back home could see this, the true definition of impilo yase Sandton.

Guyzini, people are monied out here. Monied to a point that's unfathomable to some of us. We dream and dream of having money but I don't think we dream of reachung this level.

And I know it's just a flat but it's where the flat is situated, what it looks like on the inside, and the fact that its owner is doesn't even really live in it.

Like what is it even? A vacation home? A home between homes? What? And why does this one man need so much space in the sky?

Anyway, I found everything exactly as it was when I got here, everything exactly as it always is. No sign of him ever having been here at any point in time.

I don't actually mind that at all. More time, more money for me.

Nevertheless, I steeled my nerves to face him should I run into him again, not let him catch me off guard and unprepared like he did the first time I saw him. Still don't know what the hell that reaction was, but he'll never get me breathless and unable to speak ever again.

And he'll never disrespect me the way he did when Brie called me to come through. I can't even look at this kitchen table the same way without having flashbacks of those amber eyes glaring down at her.

I may have decided to make myself invisible, but I know that if and when he pokes the bear, I will attack against my better judgment.

Small and inconspicuous is not me, and I know I am going to fail, but rather I fail than I give up.

I just don't want to lose my only source of steady, liveable income. That's the only thing I'm really scared of. Not him. Not any human, for that matter.

Still, I spent the whole day on edge... just waiting. Which made my day even more tiring than usual. It was so tiring that I forgot to call my mother until the very last minute I had to leave.

This is how I find myself leaning over the kitchen counter, clasping my head in my hands after I just hung up on her at the end of our conversation.

She's doing okay, was glad that I dropped off food and clean clothes for my brother before I came to work. He's staying in some gutter with his friends and all they do is get high and rob people to get high.