The Besotted

-|2|0|-

_______________________________________

When I left home too early this morning with my papers in one hand and God in the other, I never in a million years thought I'd be walking up the pavement that leads to that foreboding palace in the sky owned by Mr Sin.

Normally, I wouldn't even consider it. They treated me like trash last time, but I have no room for pride. My plate is overcrowded as it is.

And I know I could just apply online, it's easier and cheaper than this nonsense but most of those posts end with something like, if you haven't heard from us in three weeks, consider your application unsuccessful.

Who has three fucking weeks??

I need to eat today.

I will take anything, anything. I'll pack shelves, I'll wait on people, I'll even clean the toilet of some rich, pompous asshole.

I'm young, educated, black but broke while supporting two households with next to nothing and my back against the wall. I worry about money every second of every day.

My mom's sick pension helps from time to time but it is not even close to being enough, it doesn't stretch through the month especially with her specialised needs.

It's even harder since I can't leave her alone all the time, all my friends and neighbours are busy with their own things and my little brother is usually too high to even take a piss.

I can't put her in the hospital-- they are overcrowded and are for critical patients only. Not that I could ever leave her at one of those death roofs. I know way more people who have died at public hospitals than those who survived. I'm not doing that to my mother.

Private hospitals, on the other hand, are for medical aid people and those with money. And a hiring a nurse or a caretaker is out of the question, if we can't even afford food, we definitely can't afford a private nurse.

The government's Home Based Care initiative helps a lot. From time to time, they send nurses and volunteers to go house to house delivering medication and checking up on the sick.

It helps because my mother and I don't have to wait long lines at the clinic for her medicine and she is too sick to spend excessive amounts of time staying upright.

The club where I work barely pays minimum wage but thankfully has really good tips. The pension fund that my mom gets from the government is around R 1 300 and I have to use that for electricity, food and clothes for her along with other supplies. The child social grant is R 440 and all goes to the other household I have to support along with the money from any job I do.

What other choice do I have?

I don't have any other prospects. I have a Master's degree in business and finance but no one and I mean no one, is hiring.

I spent the whole day walking around the city begging for work. No one wants to hire me, I am either too 'inappropriately dressed' or I'm over qualified-- should probably omitt my qualifications from my CV.

And inappropriately dressed how when my dress reaches my knees and my cleavage is covered so what's inappropriate about that? Is it the hugging fit?