The Deal

The Butterfly

Like so much in my life, the ocean haunts me too.

The roar of her waves is what lulls me to sleep at night and wakes me in the morning. The scent of her salt has seeped into my furniture and my clothes, inescapable. Grainy sand somehow drifts up the cliffside to infect my garden and wither my plants. So infiltrated is she in my life, that sometimes, a single breath has me tasting the sea breeze on my tongue.

Ancient and mysterious, I came to know the sea as a graveyard that would always harbor the last moments of my mother's life. Since the dark depths stole the last breath of air from her lungs, I have not stepped foot in the tide.

But, the dock that sits above the ocean's dark and deep abyss has somehow become my place of comfort.

Just far enough above the tide to quell my fear, but close enough that I can still feel the salt air on my cheeks and bite of the cold splash on my legs.

There is an odd sense of calm on this old dock that puts my soul at peace. The waves drown out most of the noise behind me and the stars feel closer, brighter than ever, almost like I can see the Gods winking at me from their places in the constellations.

My mother guided me here tonight, but I was a willing marionette.

Because I think my heart knew who might find me here before my head did and my heart wanted to be found. My heart knew who might wander onto this dock, our dock, once again. A place filled with exciting possibilities and bitter finalities.

I wonder which one tonight will be: an ending or a beginning?

"How did you know I'd be here?"

Harry leans back, relaxing into his shoulders as he looks up at the night sky. He's still in his suit from the funeral, though the shirt is half buttoned, the pale moonlight glinting off his tanned chest. His feet dangle off the end of the dock while mine remain crossed and my fingers itch to brush back the hair that's fallen onto his forehead.

Rolling his head to the side, his voice is so quiet I can barely him over the waves crashing onto the shore.

"Your Nan called me... not really sure how she found my number." His face folds in confusion and he shakes his head, shrugging. "I guess Niall wasn't picking up and I was next on the list—"

"It's a short list." I try to make my tone as light as possible, but Harry only frowns at me before continuing.

"She sounded really worried and asked me to check on you... this is the first place I thought of." He clears his throat awkwardly, cheeks warming.  "Did you two fight?"

There's this edge of doubt in his tone, doubt that Nan and I are even capable of bickering, that makes me feel worse. It manages to break through the thin layer of anger still clouding my heart and pinches slightly. I think of the guilt in Nan's grey eyes, the regret that wobbled her strong voice.

The light breeze and endless sky acts as a tranquilizer and I feel my rage quelling, that bleak despair filling the hole left in its place.

"We had... a disagreement. But, I was too harsh with her, I suppose."

I understand her intentions, but I can't come to terms with the fact that she knew my father's fate and failed to tell me. Watched the hope alight in my eyes and watched as it was snuffed out, tight-lipped and secretive.

The lost opportunity of knowing about the meteor before it wiped out my life is not something I can forget easily.

"Hard to imagine." Harry's amused tone breaks through my bitter ruminations and I watch his eyes narrow and lips quirk, "though not after today, I suppose."