ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

CONFESSION

"Hi." I said shakily. I was so nervous that I felt like I was going to vomit. Cassidy had fetched Ivy and was rocking her in her arms so she wouldn't wake up as she walked away from the lounge and away from the noise.
"Hi Roses." Oli said. The moment I heard his voice, this tingly feeling washed over my entire body from my ears to my toes. It was like I heard his voice in my chest rather than my ears and I remembered everything that I'd tried to forget. His voice was so beautiful and familiar... it took me back to a time when I was happy and in love, but I couldn't help but feel sick at the same time. My stomach was in knots as I re-heard those things he'd said to me in Mexico City again. That I meant nothing to him. That he would never feel anything for me. My body felt like it was being torn in different directions, but mostly, I just felt nervous. I never thought I'd speak to him again, and definitely not about this. Even I hadn't fully processed the fact that he was Ivy's Father yet. "How are you? I uh, I saw your photo... Congrats." he stuttered. 
"Thank you." I replied. God I felt so incredibly nauseous and terrified.
"You must be happy." he stated. I automatically felt tears well in my eyes. He was right, I was unbelievably happy. Ivy was perfect. I loved her more than anything. I couldn't help but be happy when I thought about her. "Yeah I am. She's perfect." I replied with a smile to myself.

As soon as the words left my lips, I realised I had said too much. I had fucked up and I wanted to hang up and run away. I knew confessing that she was born meant he could work out 9 months ago was Mexico, and I knew that he would. At that moment, anxiety flooded me and I just wanted to blurt out the truth and tell him that he was her Father to get it over with... but I didn't want to ruin his life. I couldn't.

"Oh, well, um, I kind of did the math and, I know it's a ridiculous question but I just wanted to check, uh... there's no way I'm, the Father... right?" he asked awkwardly. His voice literally cracked and I heard the fear in his words. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips together like I wanted to keep the truth in. I didn't want to lie straight to his face though... I was stuck in a place where I couldn't say anything.
"Roses?" Oli asked after a while of my silence. I didn't know how to tell him. I didn't want to. Maybe I should have just said no, but I was a horrible liar and I felt like that would just make everything worse when he found out the truth later on. I couldn't just say no and straight up lie about something so important, but I wasn't about to tell him the truth either. "Willow... are you still there?" he questioned.
"Sorry, yeah." I said quickly. Something about him calling me Willow instead of Roses freaked me out... he'd never really called me by my real name before. It made everything feel so serious.
"So, I'm not then?" he asked, his voice clearly starting to show signs of terror. I felt my emotions coming and I couldn't stop them... I felt awful. The tears that were welling in my eyes overflowed and ran down my cheeks as I started crying to myself. Half of me wanted to say yes; to just tell him the truth, and half of me wanted to lie and spare him from everything that I knew he didn't want to hear. Why did he have to call me and put me on the spot?! 

I didn't know what to do. I was practically frozen. I wanted to say Ivy wasn't his; to spare him the devastation, but lying to him about this was wrong. I couldn't lie about something so important. I was so fucking upset and confused.
"Hello?" he asked, once again trying to get me to speak. I felt like I was trapped and my reaction was to run away, to just run and hide and try to ignore the hurt like I'd become so good at doing.
"I have to go." I said without thinking.
"Wait!" he said quickly and loudly. "Willow? Just talk to me." he said. I hated the way he sounded when he said that, almost like he cared, like he gave a shit, like he knew how fucking bad I felt and he was trying to be gentle with his approach. I still couldn't do anything though. All I wanted to do was hang up. "Are you crying? Willow? What's going on?" he asked. I could hear the desperation in his voice and it killed me. I knew how much the truth would destroy him and I didn't want to be responsible for that. I wished I didn't care about him, but I did. I couldn't do it to him. "Please talk to me." he said before I just sat silently not answering.