I never thought that giving Oli Sykes a plastic rose at my first BMTH show would lead to this...
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Two friends; Willow & Cassidy, travel cross-country following their favourite band, Bring Me The Horizon on to...
When I woke up, I realised that we were supposed to be flying home that morning, and now I kind of wished we still were. We'd changed our flights to fly home from Kansas instead of Denver, and we now had an almost 9 hour drive to Kansas City to see our last show... that neither of us really wanted to go to anymore because of what happened last night.
When I turned on my phone I had a message from Oli that he'd sent at 4:52am. What the fuck?!
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He was sorry? What the hell? I let out a heavy breath and just closed instagram. I couldn't deal with him right at that moment when I'd just woken up. "Oh my God, those skanks with Oli last night posted photos!" Cassidy said from her bed, knowing I was awake. "And they're bragging about everything." she said in an appauled tone. "Such fucking sluts!" she exclaimed angrily. I wanted to not care, but it was that whole car crash scenario. I didn't want to know what happened, or to hear about it to be honest. I knew it would just make me feel worse. "Oh My God, they've written a whole long post about it... saying they went to his hotel room and he couldn't get it up so they left!" she exclaimed loudly. I really didn't want to know details of his night, but she was on a roll. "Wow, you should see the comments. Everyone is giving him shit and laughing at him." Cassidy said with a hint of amusement. "Serves him right." she added. I shouldn't have, but I felt really bad for him. "Cass, that's horrible. How would you feel if someone wrote personal stuff like that about you all over the internet?" I snapped at her defensively. I knew I shouldn't be defending him, but I couldn't help it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you... it's just really mean, no matter what he did to me." I said. "Yeah well it's karma." she said. Honestly, I just wanted to drop the topic entirely.
We got in the car and started the 8 hour drive to Kansas, stopping along the way for photos at random things, though I wasn't exactly the best company. The show wasn't until tomorrow, but we were going up that day so we could line up for our last show, even though I wasn't bothered about queueing and being at the barrier anymore. I drove for a few hours while Cassidy took a nap and I just stared at the highway in silence. We didn't listen to Bring Me The Horizon and it was the first time I wasn't excited about heading somewhere new to see another BMTH show. When Cassidy got back in the driver's seat, I checked instagram and Oli had posted a photo of all of the plastic roses I'd given him and the caption was a broken heart emoji. "What the fuck?" I said out loud.
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I was actually kind of annoyed. This entire thing was a total mind fuck and I hated the games he played with me. I went into my messages and saw he'd sent me another one since his 5am apology.
'Are you going to Kansas today?'
Why did he care? Did he think I was just going to go back to him like nothing had happened? Did he really think that little of me? The truth was that we weren't dating, so he hadn't technically done anything wrong... he could do whatever the fuck he wanted, but doing it in front of me was degrading and just made me feel worthless. That was why I refused to just ignore it... to be his backup plan... the girl who'd be there when he couldn't be bothered in finding someone else to hook up with. I had to have some respect for myself. I saw the little 'typing' icon come up as I had his message open... he must have realised that I was online, and then the next one popped through.
'Can we meet up?'
My immediate first thought was 'no'. I didn't really want to see him... I just wanted to put my phone away and ignore him. I felt too irritated... like he was playing games with me. I felt like an idiot who'd been completely used - even if I was the only one to blame... I mean, I had let him use me and then discard me like a piece of garbage for someone else. I guess I was kind of mad at myself.
'Maybe another time.' I replied immediately without thinking about my response.
He saw my message but didn't reply to it. Whatever. I was so over it at that point. He might be gorgeous and famous, but I didn't care. I had to have some kind of dignity. "Cass, can we have a girls night tonight?" I asked. She nodded, though I knew I wouldn't be great company and I felt kind of guilty that my bad mood was going to ruin the last couple of days of our trip. Especially since extending it was my idea so I could spend more nights with Oli. I turned off my phone again, I just didn't want to think about Oli or any of it anymore.
We didn't arrive to Kansas City until nearly 5pm, so after dropping off our car at the rental company, we went straight into our motel and unpacked since we were staying tomorrow night for the show as well. At that point, I didn't even think I'd go. Seeing him sing wasn't something I wanted anymore. I turned on my phone at 6:30pm as we were getting dressed and doing our makeup for a night on the town, and Oli had messaged me again.
'We're going out tonight, you should come. I just want to talk'
I had no idea what to think. "Cass, he wants me to go see him to talk. Why does he even want to talk to me? Can't he just find someone else? Why is he bothering to keep stringing me along?" I asked in frustration. "Well Wills, I think he's an asshole for what he did, but I guess he must like you in some way since he's trying to make it right. He would just delete you and move onto the next girl otherwise." she said, trying to be a voice of reason. I guess she made a good point. "Maybe you should hear him out?" she suggested. It was funny how her tune had changed from last night and this morning, but she was always honest. "I don't think you should go running back to him, but at least if you clear the air we can go back to loving the band." she said with a shrug. She was right. At that point, I didn't even want to go to their show tomorrow, so clearing the air with Oli might at least make me want to go again. "Will you come with me?" I asked her, not wanting to go alone. "Of course." she replied. "But promise me you will respect yourself and not sleep with him again..." she added with raised eyebrows. "He doesn't deserve to have you again." she said seriously. I just laughed. "Trust me, I won't." I replied.
'OK we can talk. Tell me where. I'm bringing Cassidy.' I replied to his message.
'The Indie. Opposite the Hilton. 9pm?' he replied.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Why can't I get this fucking girl out of my head!?
OK. Just... damage control. Apologise, explain what happened, compliment her like crazy, and get her to the room. It'll be easy from there. I want her tonight, so don't fuck it up.
I didn't even end up fucking those girls... so she can't be too mad, right?
