» 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐭 « 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

» you wave at me during homecoming

i didn't recognize you, you said,
 and there was a prickle of something behind it.
and the sad thing is, i didn't recognize you, i didn't,
 not until you turned towards me and said my name again.
and i don't know why, maybe it's because you only
called me a nickname no one else does ( feels like a betrayal
when it's anyone else saying it ),
maybe it's cause you cut your hair,
maybe it's because we haven't seen each other forever

since then i've been on the lookout for you,
i've seen you in the crowds -

you're next to the boy we tried to convince to sit with us
last year when you weren't there ( he seemed new )
and the girl who walked with me today, goes in and out of running
i can't run, did she tell you that? i bet she did
she knows i know you. & i know all your friends, i know you.
we could be in the same friend group again?

- you're everywhere,
i swear you're always surrounded,
and you look back at me sometimes, we wave and smile and nothing
- nothing more

you're walking with them and i see you at the same time
 that you see me and maybe i lift my hand to wave like we normally do
but your face brightens and you call my name -
my real name. not my nickname. - and i say hi
and there's not even a pause and

we're moving on again

( 10.21 )