» 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐭 « 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

» the struggle of being

they're not right

nothing is right, nothing,
each word hurts & stings & pricks in the corner of my brain

unsettling is the word

and it doesn't sit right,

and i want a word that fits this
this masc fem enby fluctuating this
these pronouns arent right sometimes and theyre fine others
and she /her is not me but
neither is he/ him or they // them
it isn't good slash right

i am ve/ver (s) and it/its (s) and xe/xyr (s) but
 there is no word for the
sometimesveisrightsometimesitstoomuch (sometimesitsnotenough)

there isn't a word and that hurts
 and the one there is doesn't fit it hurts i hurt 

i am trans (technically) and i am nonbinary (technically)
but they are such cookie cutter words
for something i am not it's not right
i am not right i am too specific to be right
for these people who try to accept me 

i am specific and i am broken
because these known words aren't

agenderflux is not a word 

i'd like to crack it in half,
except it's the only one that fits

( 12.21 )