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» dance is ruining my life

i twisted my foot and landed on it wrong while i was doing a jete and now my toe is aching. i roll in when i walk and stand and my feet aren't supposed to do that. my achilles always hurts and these insoles don't work. i danced on them for three hours and i will dance on them for seven more this week. i hurt. my feet hurt in the joints of my big toe.

my hair is too long. it stretches below my shoulders and is long enough to tie up in a bun. it's the perfect length and it will be perfect if it could stay like this. but i turn to the side and my stomach is too big and my hair is too long and my everything is too much. i want to cut it all off.

i'm so tired. i'm so tired. the sky is still in place but there are such bags under my eyelids and blisters on my feet and the last time i laughed was when i tried to do a cartwheel and just collapsed - she asks me if i'm okay and i laugh because i don't feel like crying -

i'm so tired and you tell me ily but i hurt so much, it's all gone wrong and i hurt too much to reply in the way you want me to

i know that there's no valid reason to hate dance but it's the closest, most consistent thing in life right now (more than the way to walk home from school and the right cup of tea and the distance between my hand and yours) and -

(i'm so tired)

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