cartman x reader

Chapter Six: Consequences

Content warning: description of injury (it's lame, don't get too excited)

Key:

(Y/N) Your Name

(F/C) Favorite Color (don't be edgy and pick black, it won't work for the thing)

[Note: I cut out and changed a bunch of this so you're all missing out on the part where I mention my weird uncle for no reason and a really creative insult for Kyle. Also, no art, I got incredibly distracted so leave requests.]

Word Count: 2900

That's stupid.

Kyle's explaining altruism to me, circling back to the thing I said about intent. I wanted to at least know about this stuff, but turns out it's really boring. I'm going along with it, obviously, 'Wow, Kyle that's so interesting', but in my head I know he's shitting me.

I've done this before, blah blah, you aren't better than me, stop thinking you're better than me Kyle, but I keep pretending I care. At the very least this gives me some time to think about more important issues than moral relativism, like what I'm gonna do with all my money.

Wow, seventy eight whole dollars, and made through the most fun activity of all: making your friends miserable. A part of me wants to gloat but I don't have anyone to gloat to without giving the whole game away.

Before that, even, I should be thanking Cartman. After all, he had the decency to let me keep the money even though he did most of the work. That and I still have to do everything he says so he could have easily asked for the extra fifty.

If this is all part of some bigger scheme, it's a damn good one because he's gotten me -ME- thinking about how I should repay someone's kindness. Maybe cookies? And not even poisoned ones or ones filled with raisins, actually good cookies?

I must have looked like I was thinking hard because Kyle asked me what was on my mind.

What to tell him? I was thinking about... wait, I was thinking about doing something nice for someone, oh dip, I'm awesome. "I was thinking about how to repay you, you know since you put so much effort into all this," I lie, maybe not so awesome. "Kyle do you like cookies?"

"Yeah, I do but you don't need to do anything to thank me, I'm doing this because I want to and--" Wow he really wants to prove his ethical prowess.

"That's nice, Kyle," before he gets really annoying, I kiss his dumb face, "But just take the cookies. You like chocolate chip?"

I left Kyle's house happy, sure, I set up another study session but it's one I'm positive I won't have to attend. I think tomorrow's the day I get to break his heart -the last day of my slave contract- so I'm making sure to be extra nice to him.

I wonder if he'll cry, I hope he does. In an ideal world, I'd be able to lick his face after but a result of my chicanery is never fully getting to enjoy my victories. Hopefully, I'll get to watch Cartman rub it in.