Content Warning: Alcohol, vomit, eating dicks, fucking Kyle, antisemitism (gonna stop warning for that one, it's in most of them), and Mean Girls spoilers
Key:
(Y/N) Your Name
[Note: Valentine's Day special + another episode of "I joked about a fetish too many times and now I have it"]
Word Count: 4500
Cartman breaking my arm is the best thing to ever happen to me.
The amount of shit people let me get away with just because they feel sorry for me is unreal. Even though that's the whole idea, I had no idea how far I could take it.
I feel like Regina George at the spring fling.
And, of course, some people liked that Cady pushed her, so Cartman's got some weird fucks calling him 'hardcore'. He's even been saying he did it on purpose, that he grabbed me and snapped it in two like a breadstick, giving him more street cred, and me more pity. A win-win.
The only downside is how much it's pissing off Kyle, he's fighting with Cartman more, he's even snapped at me which-- he apologized for and now is even more at my beckon call. Wait... There is no downside. I even got to cancel our stupid study session because I was 'emotionally traumatized' by his outburst.
And on top of that, even my parents feel bad for me so they've been giving me everything I want. The signatures on my cast got them off my case about being antisocial, I told them the bit that calls me a dumbass was written by Kyle and now they won't even be mad when I dump him.
Everything is good.
I look down at my cast, every one of these names represents someone who -at the very least- wants to look like they care about others, and a school event, surrounded by teachers and peers, is the perfect place to boast moral superiority.
Well, most of the names.
Why the hell are you talking so long? It's not like your legs are broken
I need to look good for this dance. I have big plans
Your gonna break up with kyle? On Valentine's Day?
Wow you heartless bastard
Sorry, but no. I want to fuck him.
He didn't respond to that, not that I expected him to.
Since Cartman's allowing me creative freedom with Kyle, he's been pretty invested in our 'relationship', but with him no longer responsive, I had enough time to get ready and pack my bag: house key, phone charger, lube and flavored condoms, all the essentials. No wallet, obviously, that's what friends are for.
YOU ARE READING
cartman x reader
FanfictionAre you a bitch? Are you in love with Eric Cartman? Do you enjoy reading fanfcition so you can pretend someone loves you? If one or all of these things sound like you, then you might be interested in therapy, but therapy is expensive so read this i...
