cartman x reader

Chapter Ten: A Dead Hooker

Content Warning: heroin, herpes, ringworm, death, murder, suicide and rape are mentioned I think, shit, vomit, sexual themes, sex, weird kinks, R slur, F slur, B*rbra Stre*sand

Key:

(Y/N) Your Name

[Note: This chapter's actually on time. Boom! Pranked.]

Why did I say yes?

Why in god's name would I agree to do this with him? I didn't need to be involved, I know I started this but I didn't need to be involved.

"We should play some music or something. If you don't want to listen to..." Cartman points upwards towards the sounds of banging and creaking. "That."

"Yeah for some reason I don't want to listen to the sound of your mom banging the stripper we're about to murder." I say in a snappier tone than was maybe necessary, or not snappy enough, I wouldn't know this is my first time.

"Alright. No need for so much attitude. I think you're forgetting that if it wasn't for this murder plot, you'd be in skewl right now." I guess I could be more positive about this. Worryingly, Cartman seems to know what he's doing so that's at least good. "Since you're being such a Negative Nancy, I'll pick the song."

I was going to complain, Cartman's music taste is very hit or miss, but then I realized that doesn't fucking matter at all. He played the iCarly theme song -I have no idea if he was trolling me or not- and it didn't even bother me. Say what you want about plotting someone's death but it really helps put things in perspective.

After a couple gay-ass pop songs, the sounds of the bed creaking above us stopped and we could assume that Liane was giving Father Dickballscocksucker -or whatever his real name is- heroin. Or head, but after head, heroin.

"(Y/N), if we're going to do this, you need to lighten the fuck up, ok? It's not that big of a deal. People die all the time, just this time it's slightly more... your fault than usual."

"Oh I don't care about killing him." I say casually, maybe even a little unjustly bright, "He deserves it, but I don't want to go to jail over this."

"That won't happen, because no one will know we did it." I'm not sure that I trust his baseless confidence but this might be my only chance to kill someone, so I might as well make the most of it. "Now come on, I'll need your help getting him in the car."

We went upstairs from the basement and met with Liane outside the guest room, "So you did it, mom? He's unconsciousness?"

"Um, yes sweetie, I did but..." She talks slow, glancing back between her son, the room with the drugged-out stripper, and a place a thousand yards away, "Can you tell me why you wanted me to do this?"

"I told you already, it's a secret, but I'm really very thankful you're helping me. You're such an amazing mother," Is that really going to work on her? Wait-- does he do that to me? "You remember this morning when I said I'd need your car? And you said maybeee? I kind of need it nowwww,"