Regardless

Chapter 26: Why do you like me?

Jahseh and I were parked at the docks, bored out of our minds, our feet up on the dash.

"Babe, Why do you like me?"I asked randomly and he raised his eyebrow at me, putting his phone down with a 'you can't be serious look'.

"I love you...what do you mean?"

"I know that, but why do you like me?"

"You make me feel needed, important even. You make me feel content mentally. I'm most at peace when I'm with you. With you, everything doesn't gotta be sexual for it to be interesting and that's new to me. On some real shit, you wifey " he squeezed my leg reassuringly.

I blushed, leaning in to kiss him.

The trailer arrived but we're waiting for whoever Fuego's sending. I'm buying her whole crew. Money's making the calls and paying as his cheap ass sees fit. He threatened this one dude's mother instead of offering him money.

I want to know if she breathes hard during this time. I mean I don't necessarily want to go after a pregnant lady but sis is attacking me.

"Your father keeps on messaging me asking if you're pregnant," Jahseh laughed.

"He buggin'. He afraid to get old, that's the main issue, "I chuckled, scanning the lot one more time.

"Taco's ass is old. He been old."

"Y'all know each other long?"

"Yeah, I used to sell for him. When I shot a nigga the first time, he was there. He's the first person that explained to me life had a deeper meaning, Didn't mean shit to me at 14 but it does now."

I hummed in response.

"I been thinking bout that a lot lately, got me questioning if I want kids or not. I do all this shit, what if it falls on em..."

"I think about it too. Can't fathom that. And it's not me tryna stop destiny, it's just that if I ever have kids, I don't want them in these streets. I ain't even gonna lie and say I don't want them but to protect my sanity, I don't want to risk that."

"I feel you," he nodded, "What you then about heaven and alladat?"

"I believe heaven is a sense of peace. I believe that you live your heaven and hell here, depending on if you allow yourself to live the right way. And I say the right way meaning without ignorance to the meaning of wisdom and what it really is to have it. Knowing that we know nothing at all, finding balance and self peace," I answered.

"My mind isn't capable of that, so I guess the closest I'll get to that is with you."

"I got you, you know that?"

"Yeah, baby," he looked at me.

"Good cause we in motion, look them niggas now, "I said, watching James and Five opening the crate. They were having trouble so we knew it would be some time. 

When they finally busted it open, walked in, and realized it was empty, the built-in cage snapped close, Jahseh and I were already walking up to it. They stood with confused looks when we reached up to them but James' face twisted into a sick smirk.

I reached for the hanging rope, breaking of petrol, and lit. Vito called me and told me I'd have to improvise and this definitely works.

The fire quickly began to run around the soaked frame and rope circling them making Five yell,"Come on Seh, we better than this. Please, man!Please!"

Jahseh had a straight face.

James looked at me but didn't say anything while he and his friend squirmed away from the growing flame. Five started to scream first as he tried to out himself and just as it was about to catch James, he yelled, "You're still a whore, aren't you pet?"

Jahseh just grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the scene, our ears still filled with their incoherent yells. My abuser's last words affected me but not as much as they should of. I felt at peace, like if I had let go of something. I felt good. 

"Before we pack, take me to the church to see Mother, "I said and Jahseh hummed, in deep thought.

I walked up to the house and before I could knock, Mother came to the door. I greeted her with a smile but she didn't return it.

"I expected better from you," she stated.

"What are you talking about?"I asked, confused yet scared because how would she know?

"You know what I speak of my child. Don't act dumb. While I do not support your choices, I wish you be safe. Take God with you in your thoughts. You were coming to tell me you're leaving, weren't you?"

"Yes, for a bit, "I answered, dumbfounded.

"Be smart child. I will see you in a few weeks."

"Okay, "I turned around but soon spun back in realization, "Wait how-"I started but the wooden door was already closed. Who is this lady? I shook my head and went back to the vehicle.

"You alright?"Jahseh asked.

"I think so...that lady scares me sometimes, "I replied, thinking,

He just laughed knowingly.

We were driving and I suddenly felt horny. Uncomfortably horny. 

"Jahseh.."I said slowly

"Yeah, babe."

"Nothing, "I decided against telling him.

"Take off your pants," he demanded, putting the windows up.

"No!"I said a little louder than need, "Not again."

"What did I tell you 'bout answering me back? You got 30 seconds."

Ughhhhh...here we go again.

"Babe, it's embarrassing," I whined.

"The thought of getting caught makes it better though, doesn't it?"

I blushed, shaking my head. I felt like a slut when I did that. I also felt sexy but it wasn't okay to actually get caught. I didn't want that but the anxiety of it was appealing. 

I did as he said and soon he pulled into an alley. He reached across and pushed my seat way back, took off his shoes, and then climbed in between my legs.