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"wake up, Lola." Matteo shook me.

i pushed his face away from mine.

"let me sleep." i groaned, rolling over.

"Thomasina gave me strict orders to bring you down to breakfast." he pulled my duvet off.

Venus fell onto the floor and hissed at my brother.

i kicked him in the hip.

you'd think after sixteen years he'd have developed some sort of reflex to my attacks, but he was none the wiser.

"you fucking-" he grabbed my ankle. "right."

he dragged me out of bed and pressed my uniform into my hands.

"you've got five minutes to get dressed or i'll come in and do it for you." he slammed the door behind him.

i didn't doubt he would.

last year, when i was the most ill i'd ever been, Tom and Matteo had forced me out of bed, washed me and dressed me, and made me put on a mask, telling everyone i was fine.

i'd hated us all at the time for it, but now i knew they'd done it for me.

if people had seen how ill i'd truly been, it would've taken years for me to win back their respect.

i changed quickly and brushed my hair into a ponytail.

the door opened and i stormed past Matteo, disturbing the smoke rings he'd blown.

"give me that." i snatched the cigarette from his hand.

i took four long drags of the cigarette while we walked through the school to the great hall.

"you'd better hope no Professors walk past and see you." he snapped.

i shoved it back into his hand and he took one final drag before throwing it out of the glassless window onto the dewy grass.

we rounded the corner to see Tom, who had Blaise Zabini pinned to the wall.

it was obvious my brother was threatening the boy.

i sighed.

Tom and Blaize stared at us as we approached.

"morning," i said brightly to Tom.

he gave Zabini one last warning look before releasing him with a shove and following Matteo and i into the hall.

i noticed how Blaise Zabini sat at the other end of the table during breakfast.

Matteo noticed too.

Tom began piling my plate with scrambled eggs and toast.

"i'm not that hungry, T." i watched him closely.

"you hardly ate anything last night." he handed the plate over.

i sighed and looked at him.

"eat half of it then." he tucked into his own meal.

i picked at the food, starting to cut it into little pieces.

it did look good, but i couldn't eat it.

"and don't think if you cut it into little bits i won't notice how little you've actually eaten."

i gave him a filthy look and took a bite of eggy toast.

when i was finished i looked at my half empty plate.

fuck, i hadn't meant to eat that much.

"hey," Matteo took my hand from opposite me. "it's okay. you deserved that."

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