𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮..𝙙.𝙢

forty five.

She's sitting on the bed reading a book when he walks in. Draco's no where to be found and shes just been sitting here for hours. Idle.  And she hates it. Hates not being up and moving and trying harder to get herself out of this funk she's in. So when he walks in she's relived. Relived to not be alone anymore.

"Hey" he says with a sort of drunken slur.

She can smell the firewhiskey on him from where she's sitting and she scrunches her nose up in distaste when he comes to sit on the bed with her gives her a small hopeless smile that doesn't do much to help her mood. But she thinks it's all he can manage to do right now. So she gives her best attempt to smile back.

They sit there in silence for a good five minutes. And its easy. An easy silence that shes enjoying. Until he sighs loudly and reaches into his blazer pocket and holds out a crumpled piece of paper. One that wasn't crumpled up before. One what was tucked under the spell book. One she never thought she'd have to write. One that has 8 sentences written on it.

And her heart stops. Because she knows that piece of paper.

She looks up at him with wide eyes. And he's staring right back. She doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know how to feel about that horrible fucking letter.

" I didn't give it to him" he says finally. Softly. Resolutely.

And she doesn't know what to say, stays silent and contplates what to say. What to do. How to explain. He hands her the the crumpled piece of parchment and looks away. Takes another sip of his drink.

She contemplates what to do with it. Weather or not she should read it again. Before she finally gives in and un rumples the paper and reads her messy scrawl.

'If i die tell him i loved him'

She looks at it for a few more seconds holding back tears that threaten to spill before she snaps her fingers and the parchment bursts to flames. Watches it disintegrate and turn to ash. 

He watches her. And she thinks maybe he's going to say something but Instead he hands her his glass of firewhiskey and gives her a look.

"Figure you might need this more then me"

She doesn't say anything just looks down at the glass before downing the rest of the glass in one go. Feels the burn all the way down her throat until the burn settles in her stomach.  Where her baby used to be.

She shakes that thought from her head, decides she not going to think about that and with a snap of her fingers there's another bottle of firewhiskey in her hand as well as another glass.

She pops the top off of it and lets the smell of cinnamon fill her up before she fills his glass back up and hands it to him then filling her glass up to the brim downs it and decides to just drink from the bottle itself. Decides that filling her glass back up would be a waste of time.

He watches her intently before taking a long drink from his.  And before she loses the courage she asks what's been on the tip of her tongue.

"Why?"

And Theo looks at her. Hard. And she thinks that he's not going to give her a answer. Thinks that maybe he thought the letter was stupid.Irrational.

"Because you weren't going to die"

And she's taken aback by his response. Because she most definitely was going to die. Most definitely wasn't going to make it through it. Because she remembers it all to vividly the feeling of dying. The cold heavy feeling.

But she decides she isn't going to reply back. Decides she doesn't have an answer to it. So instead she takes another swig of fire whiskey and leans back as it begins to take its course.

Lets it drown out the world and her thoughts. And her body's humming with the effects of it. And she forgets. Forgets the past few weeks and just enjoys the temporary quiet. The temporary fix. Because she knows it's just temporary. Just as any other thing she could do to 'cope' with her pain. But she decides she's not doing to dwell on it. Her pain. Decides she's going to live in the moment for a little while. And if getting drunk with Theo is how she can do it.

She will.

A few hours later she's drunk. So drunk she isn't sure how she's still dancing. But she is. On a table with Theo as they laugh at each others questionable dancing skills. And her visions fuzzy and she's having so much fun she doesn't hear when Draco finally comes in the room. Doesn't see him watching them until the song ends and she hops off the table with her third bottle; probably Theo's fifth bottle of fire whiskey to change the song to something more upbeat.

And when she sees him leaning up against the door way she can't help but give him a little drunken smile. And he can't help but smile back. Gives her a little shake of his head before walking up behind the still dancing and now singing Theo and steps onto the table to take his halfway empty bottle of whiskey.

Theo's eyes immediately pop open when he feels the bottle being snatched from his hands.

"Hey man that was mine" he slurs and she's not sure how he's still talking properly. Not sure how he's still functioning on his fifth bottle of whiskey. But she concludes that he probably drinks all the time. That his body is used to it by now and he's built a tolerance.

Draco just slaps him on the shoulder and gives him  a little toast to his now empty hand and takes a swig before stepping down off the table. Theo rolls his eyes and mumbles something about getting another bottle and how he always ruins all his fun. And she giggling as he stumbles over to there little table of half finished bottles and grabs one before swaying out of the room with the bottle barely hanging in his hand.

And she's giggling. Uncontrollably. Between Theo walking off singing a little tune and Draco's face when he turns around and give her a questioning look. Can't stop giggling and her stomach hurts and it's beginning to be hard to breathe.

It takes her a good five minutes to stop giggling. And by that time her cheeks are sore as well as her stomach. She lets out a long sigh and takes another swig out of her halfway empty bottle. Looks over to Draco and smiles. Smiles a real smile. Something she hasn't been able to do in what feels like forever.

And when he gives her a little half smile back. A little quirk of his lips she knows that everything's going to be okay. That they together will get through this.

And so when he takes her hand and leads her up and out of the window and onto the roof careful not to let her fall. She gasps a little when the frigid air cresses her skin but her mind doesn't focus on that for long. Because once she's taken a seat on the roof and looks up and out at the sky she can't help but stop in awe.

Because it's absolutely beautiful. The sky is so bright with stars she's sure it's not real. And Draco takes her hand and gives it a little squeeze and she knows. Knows that it's real. And she comes to the conclusion that beautiful things can still exist through tragedy.

And she breathes.