𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮..𝙙.𝙢

fifty two.

You never really understand how much blood a person has in there body till you see it. You'd never think that someone as little as Hannah would bleed as much as she did. I take a shuddering breath and try to steady myself, try to keep myself calm and focused. I reach up and gently close her eyes one last time and smooth her short blonde hair out of her face.

I whispered the incantation to clear the blood from her face that had seeped from her ears, her eyes and her mouth. She died a slow and painful death. Her insides literally being torn apart. There was nothing i could do to help her. No spell to stop it. I could only hold her hand as she struggled to breathe. I could only watch as the light died out of her eyes. I wouldn't wish this type of death on my worst enemy. 

But whoever cast this spell wanted her to suffer for a long time. And she did.  I close my eyes steeling myself against the strain in my chest as the memory of her dying again replayed in my head over and over again. I breathe in and out to steady myself. Now wasn't the time to cry. I could cry later. I could deal with all these emotions later- if i survived that long.

I open my eyes and take another steadying breath and lean down and gently pick up Hannah. Her skin leached of all color and her body cold. The after effects of death already beginning to set in. I reached down and grabbed my wand from the pocket of my jeans. Feeling the wood in my hand sooth and calm me down instantly.

I whispered the protective incantation adding more then one just in case I ran into anyone on the way to the medical room. There was no way Id be able to protect myself while occupied with carrying Hannah's body to safety and these protective spells would give me a little heads up. I guess it's a good thing i liked to read as a child. These spells are good to know. It's a shame that the school doesn't teach them. They come in handy in times like these. But i guess they never predicted a war.

I tightened my grip on Hannah and hold her close making sure to hold her firmly against my chest. I swallowed against the lump in my throat that threatened to undo all my hard work on staying calm and composed. Straightening my shoulders i began the long walk to the medical room where the dead and injured were to be taken. Id taken 6 dead and 4 others that needed more medical attention then i could provide them with. Madam Pomfrey could do much more then i could since she was the trained professional and i only knew of what id read in the few books id picked up on healing.

I do what i can to sooth whatever pain there in. Try my best to make them as comfortable as i can for the walk to the medical room. They don't always make it. They almost always beg for mercy. There deaths will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I made it to the building with little to no trouble other then having to dodge the jinxing spell of a terrified 5th year.

The second i walked into the room everyone paused and pointed there wands at me. I held my breathe and held Hannah tighter to my body. I understood there caution. I was covered head to toe in blood. I was surprised they were still able to recognize me. Slowly everyone lowered there wand back down and continued to treat the patients that still had a chance.

Madam Pomfrey looked at me in silent questioning. I swallowed against the growing lump in my throat. Trying to keep my face as void of emotion as possible. If i started to cry now i wouldn't be able to stop. I licked my lips taking a deep breath.

I shook my head solemnly. Madam Pomfrey looked down for a moment as if to collect herself before nodding over to the area where the deceased laid. I took a deep breathe and slowly walked over. I found an open spot and gently laid Hannah down moving the hair from her face once more and smoothing it down at her sides.

I looked over feeling someone nudge my shoulder holding out a plain white sheet. I nodded my thanks and gently laid the sheet over Hannah's body.

I looked back over at the young women who had long brown hair and deep brown eyes. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were sucken in and red rimmed. She gave me a half smile and i attempted to give her one back but by the look on her face and the light hand she rested on my shoulder it wasn't much of a smile.

I look down at my hands and at the fresh and dried blood that coats my skin and i have to blink back tears. Nobody asks whose blood this is. They don't question it. Nor do they question why everyone i bring back looks so clean. They only ask if i'm injured. Im thankful that's the only question they ask. But i can't tell them the truth.

And i want to tell them the truth.

That yes i'm injured.

It just not visible.

It's inside my brain and my heart and there's no fixing it.

I am broken but you cannot see my cracks.

So instead i shake my head no and walk out the door. My wand held tightly in my hand and my head held high. They will not see me break. I am not some weak person anymore. My trauma has made me stronger. More capable. I'm able to handle things differently. I'm able to keep my emotions in check. I'm overall more aware of my inner self then id ever been before. I'm not the same person i was before. Nothing will ever hold me down again.