Girl on Track

37| You

The surge of power beneath me is exhilarating. I focus on the hum of the engine, letting the sound fill my ears. My whole shift I've been anticipating this, waiting for the moment it's just me and the track; finally, I can breathe.

The rain from earlier has barely let up, so only the most dedicated are out on the track. I fly past all of them, pushing myself to my absolute limits, determined to outride my problems.

It works, for a little while. But when a steep hill comes up, my efforts not to think of Tyler fail. He's suddenly in my head, whispering at me to push harder on my ascent, and instead of decelerating, I do. My hands grip the handlebars, clenching the solid metal as I fly over the crest. And in the moments I free fall, when the wind lifts me up like the sails of a boat, it is him that I think about.

The crash back to earth is like a wake-up call. My head feels dizzy, my heart beating twice as fast with adrenaline. Maybe I'm stupid for wanting to trust Tyler, but the slightest chance that I'm not makes it a risk I am willing to take; I just need the truth first.

As soon as I pull up to the finish line, I'm pushing my bike into one of the bays and calling Tyler. If I'm going to get the answers I want, I need to do it now, before I have a chance to back out. Before I overthink. But his phone goes to voicemail and doubt settles in, telling me to focus on the tournament.

So why won't I listen?

"Hey." An arm reaches out, and I turn to see Alex looking at me cautiously. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, "I just–" I pause, certain she doesn't want to hear about Tyler, but I need to find him. "I just can't reach Tyler. Do you know where he would be?"

"Probably at his dorm." She pauses, and then, "I'll drive you."

"Really?"

She nods and pulls her keys from her pocket. "Come on."

Cautious, I follow her to the parking lot and climb in her car. It's silent as she checks the mirrors and reverses onto the main road. I use the time to pull off my gear, folding it up before slipping it into my bag. Then, when there is nothing left to distract me, I turn to the window and think about Tyler. He's just a boy, and yet I'm as nervous as I was on my ascent up that hill. Something about this feels strangely terrifying, like walking into the abyss; I just hope I make it out again.

Alex waits until we're at a stoplight before looking over. "The tournament is in just over a month."

"I know."

"You're getting distracted."

"I know."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

It's silent for the rest of the way. My heart is beating twice as fast, certain I'm making a huge mistake, but if I'm going to move forward from all of this drama, I need answers. One way or another, things need to change.

We pull up to Parkwood college, which is just outside of town. She drives into the parking lot by Tyler's building, which I wordlessly stare up at with a feeling of dread.

"He's in dorm 35A," she says. "Do you want me to wait around?"

"No, it's okay."

She nods and gives my hand a squeeze. "Call me if you need picking up."

I nod and say thank you before grabbing my bag and climbing out. The walk toward the building feels painful. I'm about to try Tyler's number again when a boy walks out of his building. He smiles as he passes, and just as the door is swinging shut behind him, I slip through the gap.