The seams of the bedsheets may have sewed into his skin at this point, his entire entity dissolving into the mattress. And when he finally opened his eyes, it was like he sprouted wings where he used to carry bricks.
So this is what a good night's rest feels like.
For a perfect few moments, this was everything Kieran wanted— gliding out the bedroom and towards the kitchen, where his favorite boy was slicing tomatoes and humming tunes.
Socks was the first to sense his arrival, squinting lazily at the ravenhead and stretching its paws out in front of it.
Kieran thumbed at his neck and cleared his throat nervously. "Len?"
Watching the delightful surprise flash across Lennon's face was the best thing to wake up to.
"Ghostie!" he blurted, putting his knife down on his cutting board and surging forward to embrace him. Though he stopped just a foot before him, cotton pants bunched around his knees and concern radiating across his facial features. "How are you feeling?"
"Great, actually." A small smile crept onto Kieran's lips. "Very refreshed. Maybe even too refreshed."
Lennon aimed a futile punch at his shoulder, whipping at the air. "You slept for four days straight. You better be refreshed."
The ravenhead's eyes widened, smile vanishing. "Did you say four days?"
"Look at the time."
Kieran whisked his head around to face the clock by the television. It was nearly 5pm. "I thought I woke up to you making breakfast!" he clamored, a little panic-stricken.
Lennon frowned. "It's okay. You've been through a lot, Kier. Emotionally, physically. Your body is trying to catch up."
It wasn't until then that everything came back to him at once. His parents' house, his memory, the ocean. Dread tightened his throat, his eyes losing all sense of glow.
One way or another, Kieran's fingers found the pinecone necklace that hung from his neck, bits of it cracked under his weight in his sleep. A torrent of emotions chilled his cold blood, like autumn breeze on his skin. He stood still as a statue, eye twitching before he opened his mouth again. "I need to figure out my next step," he stated.
"Woah, hey, slow down."
Kieran looked at him, baffled at the alarm in the boy's irises.
"You just woke up. Take it easy." Lennon glanced down when he felt fur brush against his ankle and crouched down to pick Socks up. He held the black cat in front of the ravenhead. "Socks, tell ghostie to stop rushing."
Socks merely raised a paw and gave it a good lick.
"I should go." He sounded tired all over again.
"Why?" Lennon tried to blink the shock and betrayal out of his telling eyes.
Kieran didn't plan to withdraw so rapidly. After all, he claimed that this was all he ever wanted— Lennon and this apartment he dared call home.
But recovering his memories did exactly what he feared it would— it altered his goals and his wants. He wanted this boy, but only just as much as he wanted a stage and a happy family. All the things the human him valued, now so did his ghost.
Perhaps after all these mental battles, his soul would never reach true liberation.
And something about the fact that he stayed at Lennon's for four days straight was unsettling to him. How much of the boy's space and time did he waste? He couldn't waste any more.
"Won't you stay for a little longer, Kieran?" the chestnut boy pleaded softly.
Kieran resisted the way those vowels that left his tongue tugged harshly at his heartstrings. He said nothing.
"I have so many questions," Lennon added, gazing up at him, "I thought you'd tell me more once you were feeling better. Aren't you feeling better?"
The ravenhead jutted his chin out. "Yes," he lied. All that rest had only hindered his journey. He couldn't afford any more rest. "Which is exactly why I need to find my friend and seek their advice. My next step into the afterlife... Actually, may I borrow your cat? Maybe Socks can help me find them." Kieran couldn't even look at the boy properly.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lennon taking a long pause before placing Socks down on the floor. Kieran took that as an invitation to scoop the cat into his arms, muttering a quiet thank you before heading towards the door.
He held the pinecone in front of the cat, letting Socks sniff it. "Please, find me Autumn."
He touched the doorknob.
"You know," Lennon spoke from behind him, voice uncharacteristically void of any emotion, "For the first person I ever slept with, I sure know nothing about you."
The ravenhead clenched his jaw and warped out the door, never looking back.
__________
"Slow down! Where are you taking me?"
Socks hurdled from one pavement to another, coat shimmering in the sun. If Kieran didn't know better, he would've thought the feline was one of his own— a ghost, a spirit, a lost soul.
Feet pattering against the ground, they finally came to a stop at a gate, vines spiraling up the metal like claws. The ravenhead looked back— they were separated from the city, the muteness in the air leading him to believe this was a very remote area.
A garden of some sort?
A dense fog had descended upon them, and Kieran crouched down for Socks to climb onto his shoulder before they could lose sight of each other.
"What is this?" the ravenhead whispered, scratching his companion under the chin, "Is Autumn here?"
He took a deep breath and propelled himself forward, preparing his apology speech in his mind. But as Kieran entered the gate, he started noticing little grey pillars lined up along the lawn.
"What—"
Socks closed its teeth on Kieran's ear and pulled him in another direction.
"Hey," the ravenhead complained, "That hurt." But he obeyed and strolled down the pebbled path, one that revealed more silhouettes of short rectangles. They seemed to be staring right at him. "Socks," he gulped, "This feels very haunted, even for a ghost like m—"
Kieran cried out as he tripped over a tree root that sliced across the path. Socks evacuated the comfortable spot on the ravenhead's strong shoulders immediately.
"Ow," the ravenhead winced, feeling more pathetic by the second as he reluctantly lifted his head, "Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have—"
His breath caught in his throat. For he had fallen right in front of one of those mysterious objects— and they weren't little pillars.
They were graves.
ABRIL PÉREZ
1998
27th June 2018
"Abril?" Kieran managed, limbs shaken with confusion. He crawled forward and stroked the markings on the headstone, dust gathering at his fingertips.
Two engraved angels with trumpets posed by the name, but nothing else was said. No quote, no loved by, no mother or father or sibling or lover mentioned. Nothing but a single note that rested on top of the stone, pinned down by a ring.
Kieran read the slanted handwriting, blotched with teardrops.
you finally got to touch the cumulus clouds, Aug
The ravenhead inhaled sharply at the realization, feeling a quick chill seize his back.
He turned around.
"What are you doing here, Kieran?"
YOU ARE READING
I'll Share With You My Heartbeat
Romancea boy. a ghost. and less than a lifetime. Kieran Li was removed from existence the day he took his life. Now in search for his ticket to the afterlife, he finds his answers lingering in the photographs taped around a studio of some sort. Only proble...
