Free Fall

: Chapter 9: 'Everyone talks, Babe"

Chapter 9

(Unedited)

Our class took a field trip to the aquarium in Boston when I was twelve. I was ready to explore every form of aquatic life that the tourist attraction had to offer. Taking every bit of excitement and underwater show they even provided. No worries at all, till the end of the day, we went to the gift shop and saw two males holding hands. The couple didn't get much appreciation for what they did. Bullies made fun of the couple for something that was in their comfort zone. I knew exactly how they felt, surrounded by the hatred of homophobia. Instead of crying out, I cried in the bathroom as I knew I, too, could be facing similar prejudice if I came out.

In the bathroom, I don't remember how long I had been. All I can recall is that I cried until I could shed no more tears. I felt like the couple in the gift shop. The rule of my parents' religion constantly trundled through my still-growing brain. I was eventually found by a teacher who asked if I was okay. Rather than telling the truth, I just shook my head and replied that I hurt my knee earlier and couldn't find the first aid station. I didn't want my parents to be told my secret sexuality.

The barren moment as we sit in his jeep, I remember that moment, and I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on. The couple in the gift shop held hands proudly, or the students who had hidden in the shadows of not understanding the situation. He mentioned that he's interested in both genders and make-up. How was he able to know this if he was so blatantly honest?

It was then I finally asked, "When did you figure it out?" The first step towards finally breaking down layers of Christian. I knew my parents would probably pray to St. Christopher or the cross if they knew what Christian had just dropped a bombshell by admitting he was on the LGBTQIA spectrum. My blood rushed to my head as well as my stomach. It was like the ultimate betrayal crawling through my veins. "Wait, don't answer that. You hate personal questions," I responded. Christian explains everything in his way.

"I take vitamins when I wake up in the morning to rejuvenate my mentality. Stand in the mirror for ten minutes giving myself a pep talk and wondering what Lady Gaga or Freddie Mercury would say to me, then go to school," he says in a severe tone. That meant he was on his way to finally telling me something that would get us further in this situation, depending on how Christian had decided to mirror this with his personality.

"That's not exactly what I meant," I told him. Christian seemed more like a foreign art for me that you had to paint and flesh out nonstop to get right, just like Monet or Cézanne. Out of context, I couldn't sound as straightforward or blatant as my intentions.

"Everyone talks, babe. It's up to you what they talk about," Christian replies, bringing my imagined maze of Christian into focus. His piece of work confidence is starting to erode mine again as the Fray sings in the background about how someone found them; as I see it, Why was He always simultaneously positive about everything? Uncomfortably accurate. I lay my head back on his window for a moment, as I've gotten used to it as I think about how Religious people mouth the book's verses. Catholics speak about the scriptures and saints while shaming gays, while commercials display how victims can redeem abuse by priests by calling this 1-800 number. Atheists say they don't believe the book's verses, as it comes full circle once they admit it, and religions shun them to Hell, labelling them as a lost cause.

"You're so you, Christian," I proclaim as I find that they were all distorted like memories over time. Neither my parents nor Dryden was able to help me navigate the awkward crush phase, which was not because they would not want to, but because it would be hard to understand and accept my preferences. Dryden's conversation might be of no help since he mostly talked about sports. I had no proper technique to fix how I meant to tell him something else.