Vegas Wedding

Mark

I sat there seeing all those images she had mentioned in my head. Ruling Atlanta didn't bother me one bit, owning a sports team would be nice, and donating a park.... I didn't mind any bit of that. 

"Colleen, I'm serious, let's stay married." I couldn't believe she had suggested all those things, I'd never thought of a modern marriage as a business opportunity. This was something I could get behind. 

"You're fucking joking right?" there was a definite edge to her voice that I was choosing to ignore. "No I'm not, you're right we are the best match for each other, the best... we can have everything we ever wanted, together." "Oh for fucks sake Mark, I was joking... I can't possibly stay married to you!" I huffed crossing my arms "and why not? Let's face it Colleen you're basically thirty, it won't be fun for you to be single much longer... and no one you know will see it as an independent woman thing... In your line of business you'll look desperate... and the only men you're meeting are engaged. I am your best shot!" "Fuck you Mark!" she screamed and the line went dead. 

I slowly walked up to my bedroom and collapsed into my empty bed. If I keep working on her... more tactfully than what I had just done, I almost guarantee we'll be sleeping together in two weeks. I pulled my laptop off the side table and pulled open the excel balance sheet I had been checking over for the past three nights. Spread sheets are the best reading I've seen in years, business propositions keep me awake with all the excitement of possibility... but these spread sheets and the way they meticulously present all profits, assets, and expenses... soothe me right to sleep.

 Having read all the way up to this weeks columns, I put it back and drifted off to sleep dreaming of decimal points and tax exemptions. Somewhere between all the rows and color coordinating columns Colleen slipped in. She walked right into my head and began yelling me. Of course a pint sized me walked right in and started yelling right back at her until the two of us kissed and lived happily ever after. 

Unfortunately when I woke up I was still alone, and my phone alarm was blaring. This would be one of the greatest tests I have ever had to face. Of course there was no rule that I could not take advantage of the drunken situation the boys downstairs were in. Grabbing a metal bowl and a vintage lighter my grandfather had given me a long time ago I began walking down the stairs banging the lighter and bowl together. 

"WAKE UP!" I screeched clanging the metal together as I stood in my living room. They all shot up, confused as to the books strapped on their backs, but quickly forgot everything as their head flew into their hands not only blocking the light from my many windows but the obnoxious noise I had been making. "Will you cut that out?" Toby whispered covering his face with a pillow, I brought the lighter to the bowl again "get up you're getting married!" I shouted and hoped I hadn't missed something like the wedding was off. "I'm also about to make everyone Bloody Mary's." I said in a quieter voice which aroused some thankful groans. 

Feeling like a real asshole I sauntered into the kitchen. Being called an asshole has never bothered me, it's made many a people give into my wishes because they don't want to deal with me. I'm generally a nice person, but those drunken idiots were the reason I got married in Vegas... Though if I convince her enough, I may not be blaming them for long. I mixed all the ingredients together and watched as they crawled and stumbled into the kitchen. I think they would have preferred me serving it to them in dog bowls and straws so they could lie there on the floor. Slowly as they drank more and more they began to get back to their lively selves, and acting like normal human beings. "Guys we have an hour and a half to get ready." I told them, completely lying, we had two and a half hours, but it would take for ever for them to peel themselves off the ground and out of the funk no matter how much of the tomato mixture they drank. Toby looked up at me with pained eyes "do you have anything greasy?" I bit my lip "for as much as I drink, you'd think I would." the doorbell rang at that moment and they all winced "Drink more," I shoved the pitcher closer towards them and headed towards the door.

I threw the door open and all I saw were legs and a giant bag full of fast food. The legs were quite attractive, the bag was not. "Can I help you?" Colleen's head poked and around and then she walked past me "Marco!" she shouted wandering around the front room until she head a Polo form the kitchen "What are you doing here?" I asked trying to lead her to the kitchen, but she refused to speak to me and continued to play Marco Polo until she found the kitchen. "I cannot believe how irresponsible you are Toby!" she shouted setting down the bag and passing around greasy burgers and fries "I cannot believe how drunk all of you are!" she touched her arm, rubbing it "What did you do to your arm?" Toby asked before diving into a burger "I fell on the way to the hospital," I stood right beside them "How's your nose?" "Toby why on Earth did you drink so much, what happened after I left... was everything ruined? I've been too afraid to ask Brooke." she completely ignored me "It was fine... of course your guys' toasts were missing, but your dad made a nice one and my mom cried." she laughed a little and then touched her bandages nose, wincing. "Do you need ice or pain medicine?" I asked knowing that if I am kind and considerate enough, eventually she'll have to respond. "well I have my toast all prepared, and Brooke comes out looking like a complete angel, despite her true colors." Toby smiled eating more fries, offering me some but I shook my head away "How are the girls?" I asked knowing... or at least hoping that this was one question she couldn't avoid without being totally and completely rude. "If you guys are getting sober enough to manage on your own I should get back to my other duties," Toby nodded shoving his face with more fries "You're the best Colleen... Mark why don't you show her out," Before I could even say a word that she could ignore she turned on her heel and started walking quickly back through the hallway. I picked up my speed following her, and ended up blocking the front door so she would have to listen to me. 

"Are you really that mad at me?" she stood there silently "This is really childish," she sighed and reached into her purse pulling out her phone. I waited for her to do something, say something, but she just started tapping on it "Colleen, you can't just not talk to me again..." I stuck my neck out a bit and found that she was scrolling through Facebook, literally scrolling through Facebook, ignoring me. "Look I understand that you think I am very insensitive for wanting to stay married, but you have some fantasy that any moment some knight in shining armor is going to come galivanting up to you and propose... be realistic, Colleen, that hasn't happened in centuries, and this is not a Hallmark movie." she scoffed and I felt a bit of relief, there was hope yet, I at least got some sort of a reaction out of her "I'm the best you're going to get, I am the closest thing to a knight in shining armor you're going to find." she turned off her phone and with her one good arm reached for the door handle, taking her bad arm she grabbed onto me and somehow managed to drag me outside with her. 

"You just don't get it do you?" her arms were crossed as we stood on my front porch "Get what?" she poked my chest "You make it seem as though I sit at home all day waiting for this mystical perfect guy to waltz up to my door and whisk me off my feet. You act as though I sit at home knitting away just waiting to get married, waiting and wasting my time away... I know exactly how old I am Mark! I am reminded everyday by my mother, I am reminded every day that I could have been married to George Harrold and have five little kids running around my feet and been happily married. I know where I stand in the South, I know I will be criticized for not being married and working in weddings, I will be thought of a jinx the moment one of my couples divorce. I have to be the absolute best because who has ever heard of good luck coming from an unmarried woman?" I just sort of stared at her "Mark I know what I have given up to be where I am, I know where I stand, why on Earth would I ever want to throw it all away on a guy like you?"