Emma Joan Tallis

chapter fifty: Memories

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depths of some devine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

~*~

The next time I saw daylight, someone was doing chest compressions on me. And that someone had a metal arm. My eyes snapped open, and I rolled over to cough up water. As I looked up, Bucky was kneeling next to me, watching me nervously. 

"Why did you pull me out of the water?" I asked as I tried to sit up. Bucky tried to help me, but I ended up almost punching him in the face. I say almost, because he caught my fist with his metal arm, and then pinned me to the ground. 

"They stopped looking for you," Bucky said simply. 

"Where's Steve?" I questioned. 

"They picked him up over an hour ago, but they couldn't find you," Bucky explained as he slowly let go of me and stood up. 

"So you decided you needed to find me," I said hesitantly. 

"I remembered you," Bucky said as he looked at me cautiously.

"What do you remember?" I asked.

"Watching you die," Bucky said simply. "When they couldn't destroy your body, they tried to destroy you."

"I think in some ways, that they did," I told him. 

"Why didn't you die?" Bucky asked. "They cut off your head, took you apart, drained your blood, filled your body with poisons, dissected you, and you still opened your eyes again. You talked to me at night. Even after they stripped you and raped you, you talked me through what they did to me."

"I haven't told anyone about that, I didn't think you were awake," I said softly. 

"It's all coming back," Bucky said as he looked at me. 

"I'm sorry that I couldn't help you, Bucky." 

"I looked for you," Bucky said suddenly. "They wanted you."

"But I was gone," I concluded.

"No matter what they did to me, I couldn't find you," Bucky said. "I looked for you because I thought you could save me. Because they put you through hell, and you were still you. But when I couldn't find you, I forgot."

"I'm sorry," I told him again, but he was already walking away. "Let us help you!" I shouted after him as I struggled to my feet.

"I don't even know who you are," Bucky said before he ran away. I sighed as I fell back to the sand, exhausted physically, mentally, and spiritually. I don't know how long I laid in the sand, but eventually someone found me. 

"Emma," a voice said, and I turned to see Sam running up with some paramedics. 

"Hi," I said weakly when he reached my side. 

"I thought you were dead, but Romanoff insisted we keep looking," he said as he helped me sit back up. "She said you were impossible to kill."

"So far," I agreed.

"Did you wake up under the water?" Sam asked as the paramedics reached us. 

"I woke up on the sand coughing up water," I answered. "Where's Steve?"

"He's a little black and blue," Sam answered.

"But he's alive," I concluded. 

"Steve's tough. It's no wonder you two are a power couple," Sam said.

"Figured that out?" I asked him.

"Please, it was obvious," Sam said. "Though I don't know how Thor will react to Captain America stealing his girlfriend."

~*~

I held Steve's hand tightly as we stared at Fury's grave. His very empty grave, like my grave, and Steve's grave. "So, you've experienced this sort of thing before?" Fury asked. 

"You get used to it," Steve said. 

"I have three," I added brightly. 

"Damn woman, how long have you been here?" Fury asked, I just shrugged helplessly. "We've been data-mining HYDRA's files. Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship. I'm headed to Europe tonight, wanted to ask if you'd come."

"There's something I gotta do first," Steve told him. 

"Do I even bother asking you?" Fury asked.

"I babysit Thor on occasion, but I'm staying with Steve," I said firmly. 

"I told Romanoff you two were a thing, but she didn't believe me," Fury said shaking his head.

"Did everyone know?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Fury and I answered. 

"How about you, Wilson?" Fury asked. "Could use a man with your abilities."

"I'm more of a soldier than a spy," Sam said. 

"Alright then," Fury sighed as he shook our hands before leaving. "Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here."

"You should be honored, that's about as close as he gets to saying thank you," Natasha said as she walked up. 

"Not going with him?" Steve asked. 

"No."

"Not staying here?" I asked. 

"I blew all my covers, I gotta go figure out a new one," she explained. 

"That might take a while," Steve said. 

"I'm counting on it," Natasha said. "That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev."

Steve took the file from Natasha, and I read over his shoulder. 'дело No 17' did not look like a pretty file, in fact, it made my stomach turn. "And I thought we had lived through the worst of it when I left."

"Will you do me a favor?" Natasha asked Steve, and he gave her a look. "Take her dancing."

I laughed as Steve shook his head, "the club we were going to go to closed."

"Find a new club," Natasha said as she kissed Steve's cheek and turned to walk away. "Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread."

"We can't let him fight this alone anymore," I told her as she walked away. 

"You're going after him?" Sam asked. 

"You don't have to come with me," Steve told him.

"With us," I reminded Steve. "You don't have to come with us, Sam."

"I know. When do we start?"

~*~