Emma Joan Tallis

chapter thirty-five: Dreams

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
~ Dr. Seuss

~*~

"When you said you accepted a position with SHIELD, I didn't think your apartment would be next to mine," Steve said as he moved some boxes for me.

"Seeing as how Fury wants us to work together," I began.

"Like old times," Steve joked.

"I suppose so," I mused. "Logically, it makes sense that I would have a flat by you. Though perhaps for security purposes, it is unwise."

"So logistically, it's good our apartments are literally next to each other?" Steve asked.

"Down the hall," I said defensively. "Have you met your neighbor, Kate? She's really quite lovely."

"She's not the only one who's lovely," Steve said honestly, and I blushed. "I thought you were the one who wanted to have this conversation."

"I am, I do," I said quickly as I looked around furtively. "I just wasn't expecting it is all."

Steve's face fell, "it's the first time we've been alone since you got back." 

"There was a lot to debrief on," I said hesitantly. 

"And there's a lot we still need to talk about," Steve reminded gently. 

I sighed, "I don't know what else we should really talk about."

"I do."

"Then please, enlighten me," I said as I sat down on the floor since my furniture was covered with boxes. "Because I'm at a loss, I've told you everything that I could, Steve. Everything you've asked, I've tried to be honest about. Everything in my past, I've told you as much as I could."

"But what about your future?" Steve asked.

"I don't follow."

Steve sat down next to me, "maybe it's too soon to talk about, but the way dating was when we first met, that's how I still consider things."

"It's even more casual than most of the time I've spent on Earth," I mumbled.

"What I mean is that I don't want us to become something just because," Steve said and then made a face. "That's not what I meant. That came out wrong."

"That what did you mean?" 

"What I mean is that dating, or courting, or whatever," Steve said as he became frustrated, but then took a deep breath. "Whatever we are, whatever we're feeling, is it even possible?"

"We're obviously feeling something," I said flatly. "So, I assume it's possible. Else we wouldn't be here."

"Do you age?" Steve blurted out, and I looked at him in surprise. "Like in fifty years when I'm old and gray-"

"You might not be with the serum," I reminded.

"But if we got married, and I'm not saying we would," Steve said quickly and I gave him a look. "What?"

"I'm just as old fashioned as you, Steve," I reminded. "Don't forget, I lived most of my life on Earth when England was still Catholic." 

"I'm just saying, could there even be a future for us?" Steve asked.

"Assuming we don't die first?"

"You can't die apparently," Steve offered.

"Everyone has to die someday," I told him firmly. "Just because I seem to be impossible to kill doesn't mean I'll live forever. Something will kill me. The end of times will eventually come."

"That turned dark quickly," Steve said.

"Nothing lasts forever," I told him gently. "We all will eventually grow old, gray, and wrinkly. We all die one day. I want to live my life to the extent that God intended, and if that's with you for whatever time I might have, then I'll take it.

"Even if I'm the only one who will become old, gray, and wrinkly?" Steve asked.

"Just because a future together might be shorter doesn't mean we shouldn't try," I countered. "What if what we gain will be worth more than what we lose? We've already lost so much, Steve. We love each other, why lose that?" 

"You love me?" Steve asked.

"After everything that I said, that's the only thing you got out of it?" I asked with a huff.

"I think it's the most important thing I got out of it," Steve said with a goofy smile. 

I rolled my eyes, "we both knew it."

"But you said it first," Steve replied. 

"You kissed me first," I countered. 

"I knew then," Steve said with a sad smile. "And I knew I had to act in case I died, which I pretty much did." 

"But you didn't," I told him as I wrapped an arm around Steve's neck. "Though you cut off your hair," I teased as I touched it. 

"This doesn't seem like something a friend would do," Steve commented lightly as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"No it wouldn't be something friend would do," I agreed.

"Then what does that make us?" Steve asked. 

"Willing to take the risk to make our dreams a reality?" I asked hesitantly. Steve answered with a kiss, and I sighed into him. When we broke apart, I leaned into his chest. "Definitely better than any dream I ever had."

"Your dreams sound nicer than mine," Steve said. 

"They started about a decade after you went into the ice, it was just nightmares before that," I told him honestly. 

"So you're saying I have a few years before those nightmares go away?" Steve asked.

"No, they never go away," I said sadly. "But there are always a few dreams to hang onto that can help you get through the night. Where you can risk closing your eyes because it might not be nightmares, but dreams." 

"What if what we're thinking about doing is just a dream?" Steve asked uncertainly. "What if it's not something that can become reality?"

"Nothing is perfect," I said gently. "But I think we both have been through enough that it's worth taking this chance. Maybe it won't be like our dreams."

"Maybe it'll be better," Steve offered.

"Only the future will tell." 

"What did you dream of?" Steve asked. 

"A boat," I said. "The war was over, we got to stop fighting. We had a little dachshund, we were happy together. Though the funny thing was, neither of us knew how to sail." 

~*~