you're brave - wilmon

chapter 1 - wilhelm

i close the car door, my eyes start to fill with tears and a can feel my breathing going faster. I reach for the handle, I can't leave now, I need to touch him one more time, one last time. I unbuckle my seatbelt but I  see how malin is about to get in the car so I resist the urge to run to simon. malin has been a part of my life for years and I know that she can see how my anxiety is growing. she reach out for my hand, as soon as i can feel her hand on mine i can't hold back my tears any longer, they well out of my eyes as my chest close up, I can't get any words out. malin have seen me having panic attacks before but never this close.

I lean on to her and close my eyes, she put her hand on my back and just holds me all the way to the palace. my head is pounding and my eyes hurts from all the tears. noone is waiting at the entrance but I'm not surprised, mom haven't been speaking to me at all since the video and I haven't been speaking to her either. dad couldn't really do anything when mom decide that i had ruined mine and their lives.

I get my bags and walk up to my room, it smell lemony and everything is put in the right place, the bad is made, all my clothes have been washed and pressed, it's not a single flaw in the room. I've never felt at home here, honestly hillerska made me feel like I had my own life, I made my own decisions and could do what I wanted and not what mom or the people wanted. I trow my bag on the floor and make my way to the bed. I look at my phone, I just want to feel simon next to me, I want him to hold me. I don't have many pictures of us, only a few, I should delete them too, mom probably have a way to look through my phone and will have a big talk to me about how they can get leaked to the press. but I can't, I have to have some kind of way to see him, just that give me comfort.

it's 18,00 when I hear I knock on my door, it's malin and it is time for dinner the most awkward time of the day. since erik passed its been really quiet at the dinner table and since the video, even though I didn't think it was possible, it's been even more quiet. I eat my food, say thanks and go straight up to my room again.

I just want to sleep, I want to sleep for two week, I can't bear the thought of not seeing simon and being locked up in the palace day in and day out.

I turn on my phone again to check the time but as I see the screen light up I notice a text message, it's from felice.
"hi wille, how are you feeling? I was just going to ask if you wanted to hang out sometime this week?😊"

that's a nice surprise, since I am this miserable after just a couple hours of being at the palace, it might be good to see a friend on the break.

"hi felice, I'm glad to hear from you! I'm okay, not the best but I'll deal with it, how are you doing? 🤗 I would love to hang out, I don't have much planned so just name a day!☺️"