... Unspoken Words....

Chapter 5- The weeks after...

The days keep going on, with Hailey going to bed alone and waking up alone.
Jay is still there , living with her , sharing the same bed, but he couldn't be home and face her , talk to her , it was too painful, so he's choosing to be a ghost right now. And he feels bad every single night he comes home and spends some minutes looking at her ! He feels bad when he wakes up and the only feelings is wanting to be out , because the space is too little, the air is not enough!! So he spends his mornings drinking a coffee and watching the river...and ... thinking!
Thinking about what to do , what to say, how to be over all this , how to be with Hailey, his Hailey...
He loves her , so much, too much and he feels cruel , because he's walking away from her and he promised he wouldn't. But right now this is the best he got ...because words could be too painful , he could hurt her and he loves her too much to do this ....so right now silence is what he got!
I am sorry Hailey ....i love you...i am not going anywhere but now i....i can't !!
The emotional pain starts to become physical as much as they fade away from each other....they share a bed but they don't touch , they share a house , but they don't talk, they are partners and that's the only moment when they look at each other and talk at each other and share the car! Yeah because they're using separate cars....because he gets home when she's asleep and leaves when she's asleep!
Hailey feels like she's walking on eggshells , like she's watching her life going on but she's not really living it!
She feels alone and doesn't know what more to do or say....because after that night they barely speak to each other!
Hailey lets the tiredness take over on her every night ! She wants to wait him , but she's tired and maybe she's scared ....because talking is too painful!!
He's here....but he's not here ....he didn't leave me ...but he did !!
I miss him....i love him ....does he still love me ? He does right?
The days go on ....the weeks go on and this strange dance keeps going on ....like a movie being watched all over every day , all day , for weeks !
It's been weeks now ....and things are painful and hard and harsh and Hailey decided that afternoon that she had enough ! They need to talk ...he needs to talk to her !
So he took him into the observation room and she thought that would've been hard and painful, but what happened was a punch straight to her face and then another one in the stomach and then another one and another one, until she was gasping for air and he was out of the room...
I'm still me ...you're acting like i am not ...k don't know what to do anymore ..
I don't know either ....right now this is the best i got....
They get back to their work like this never happened...but it did happen...he did tell her that he doesn't know what to do ...that he doesn't know what to say , he did walk away...
I'm not going anywhere Hailey....
You did....you walked away....
The day goes on and as every night they walk out of the district , with separate cars and take separate ways...
When she steps into their home , she goes straight to the whiskey cabinet , the one for the hard moments ....and what's gonna come it's a hard moment, because she was gonna face him...for good ...
So she goes taking a sit on the couch, their couch and waits for him ....for hours ....
At 1 am he eventually steps into their home and when he sees her still awake , just looks at her and asks her :
"Can't sleep?"
H: Nope ....
J: Are you okay ?
H: Nope ...
J: What's going on Hailey?
He looks a little concerned now , but she doesn't care right now , the alcohool gave her the courage to step out for this ...
H: Oh nothing important....
J: Hailey ...
H: Jay ....what ? How is it? How is it to be treated like a ghost? How is it to be barely spoken?
J: Ok...we're not doing this right now... it's late, you have been drinking and...
H: Oh...we're doing this exactly right now , because i don't need to sleep , i don't need to wait and i don't need to be treated like a troubled doll....
J: Hailey ....
H: What ? What Jay ? I am here , can you see me ? I am here telling you that i'm still me but you don't see me ...look at me ...LOOK AT ME !!
J: Hailey ....please i can't right now ...stop screaming and take a breathe...
H: i don't need to breathe and i don't need to be quiet ....I NEED TO SCREAM AND YOU NEED THAT TOO...SO YELL AT ME JAY ..DO IT...
J:I can't..i won't i won't yell at you ....
H: DO IT...I CAN HANDLE THIS...PLEASE JAY PLEASE...
J: NO.....NO I WON'T....I won't...
H: Why? WHY? TELL ME WHY YOU CAN STAND NOT TALKING TO ME BUT YOU CAN'T YELL AT ME ...WHY?
J:Because i love you....God Hailey ...i love you, so much that it's being hurting me....and i can't yell at you ...i just can't ....
H: Jay ....
Tears are now running on both of their faces....
J: I know i am not talking to you , and i am being distant and i am not touching you ...but i am still here Hailey ....
H: But you're not....you're not really here and i....i miss you ...so much, that i can't breathe sometimes , because you're here but you're not....and i love you and i miss you ....
She breaks down and he just goes to her holds her, because this was too painful to see and anger can wait now!!
She leans into his arms and holds him so thight that her fingers becomes white...
J: Hailey i ....i miss you too, and i know this is hard ,and i am sorry....but right now ....this is the best i can do ....
H: I know ...
J: I love you, and ....i am here and i am not going anywhere....but i need some time ....i....just need some time ...
H: okay .....okay ....
They separeted and looked at each other and they know this is gonna be hard ...but they're still there , they're trying and they want this , they want each other and so .... eventually this is gonna be better ....