... Unspoken Words....

Chapter 7 - To destroy and to rebuild

It,s time to rebuild now…we need to rebuild this, us…
That’s what  Hailey keeps thinking , her eyes still on Jay, while he was managing to get back his control after what happened, after he yelled at her…
He yelled at me, but i asked him to…he needed to, we needed to…
Hailey doesn’t know what to do, what to say, her eyes are still glassy from the tears , Jay’s words were harsh and painful , but he has every right to be mad like that! She messed this relatioship up , she lied to him and she hopes with every fiber of her body that what happened moments ago is a way to rebuild them!
He has started again to go back and fourth though the kitcken, until he stops leaning his back on the kitcken’s island.
She is lost in her thoughts when Jay speaks again…
J: Hailey….i’m sorry…
She can’t seem to uderstand…
H: Jay….wha…what are you talking about?
J: I’m sorry for yelling at you…
His eyes are glassy and Hailey can see all his guilt, because he never yelled at her before and she’s sure he will never do again. Because this man, Jay Halstead, he’s something else, she’s sure of that. He was hurted, lied to and still the only thing he can manage to think is to be sorry for yelling at her….He’s something else!
I don’t deserve him…he’s too decent for me…i am too dark for him…
You need to let him free Hailey….let him free…
Breathe Hailey, breathe….
She approaches him, without touching him…She wants  to, but he needs time and space and she is gonna give him.
H: Jay…Jay please look at me…can you ?
J: Of course i can….i..can always look at you…
H: Okay…so…listen…i pushed you to this, i asked you to yell at me….and i think you needed that, we needed that…
His eyes were on her , glassy and…beautiful
J: What do you mean? I don’t need to yell at you and you don’t need to be yelled at…Hailey….
H: Okay listen…yeah, you yelled at me and that is okay Jay….because for the first time you managed to tell me how you feel about all this….and somehow this is a start….
J: A start from what?
Hailey lows her face down for a second and then looks up again
His eyes…God his eyes….
H: To rebuild…this…us…we…i destroyed this…now we can rebuild this…
J: Hailey…
H: If you want to…if you…still want to…if you still…want us…if you still…want…me…
He steps closer and Hailey’s heart starts beating , but she needs to say this…
H: No Jay please, i need you to listen to me…i…please….

Breathe Hailey, breathe….
J: Hailey….i am here…i am listening….okay?
He steps closer and she thinks he can hear her heart by now, it’s about to explode out of her chest,  but she manages to breathe, because she needs to talk, to explain to him…
H: okay….okay…Jay i…i am sorry and i will be for the rest of my life…
She pauses….
J: I know…i know you are…
H: Lying to you is the worse thing i ever did in my life, because …you’re my best friend…and i wanted to tell you…i wanted so bad…but..i didn’t know how…how could i tell you that i killed a man and then walked away…and i…i….how could i tell you that ….that i went off the book…again….i….you tried to make me better and i wanted to be better, i wanted so bad…but i think i can’t …i can’t be better…i…
Tears are running to her face now and she tries to wipe  them away, but the more she does, the more they fall….
J: Hailey….slow down please…
He’s too decent for you…you have to let him free…you don’t deserve him…
Breathe Hailey, breathe…
H: Yeah okay…but please i need to finish…
J: okay…i am listening…
H: When i came home that night ….you were home and …in that moment you were the only thing that was keeping me grounded….and i proposed because i love you…so much and …i…couldn’t loose you …i still….i can’t loose you…
J: Hailey…you’re not loosing me and…i am sorry if i let you think that…
H: You have nothing to be sorry for Jay, this is on me…all of this…
He tries to say something but she stops him…
H: Please…i need to….i wanted to tell you, but i wanted to protect you…from all this mess, from crossing lines  , but it all turned into more lies and secrets and darkness …and the happiest moment of our life , turned into a nightmare…i….i turned our life into a nightmare…
He is looking at her, with worried eyes and she feels so bad, because he is a good man and she doesn’t deserve this….and she’s gonna let him free…because he deserved a better woman!
You don’t deserve him….you’re not enough for him…you have to let him free…
Breathe Hailey, breathe…
J : Why don’t we sit for a minute…you take a brea…
H: No….i need to explain…
She can barely see him right now…tears were too much…
J: Hailey….please slow down a little….
H: Please…let me explain…please…
He nods and lets her continue even if his heart is breaking into million peaces, because he loves her too much to keep watching her destroyng herself like this…
J: Okay…
H: You tried to help me, to be there for me ….and the only thing i did was shotting you out….because i am bad at this….i have this dark side inside of me that…comes out every time i think it’s not there anymore….but …it’s who i am …i am dark and twisted….and i only caused you pain and…i love you…God Jay…i love you so much that it physically hurts sometimes….and the way you look at me…the way you talk at me …like i am the only one…i…i…don’t deserve this….i don’t deserve you…
J: Hailey….
H: You deserve a better woman…so….i….i…am letting …you free…free from…me..
She breaks down…tears are falling hard and she can’t stop them…
Jay steps closer and she starts shaking…he takes her face into his hands and makes her look at him…
J: Babe …i love you and i am far from perfect myself…and i look at you like the only one…because…you are the only one…i don’t want you to let me free..i don’t want to… i want you…always…
He steps closer, there’s barely space between them and he leans down to kiss her…
Hailey is surprised at the beginning…it’s been weeks since the last time and the feeling of his lips on hers , his hands on her body again like this is overwhelming and she's about to fall but he catches her and holds her so thight ...
H: I miss you ...
She talks in between kisses ....
J:I am here ...always...i want you always...
He keeps kissing her ....he deepens the kiss and his hands go into her hair then again on her lips and he lifts her up on the counter ...still kissing her ...too much time has passed....they need this ...
H: I am sorry....please forgive me ...
J: It's okay babe ....i've got you ....i love you....i want you ....always....
He stops for a second to look at her silently asking her if this is okay ...
She nods her head ...
H: Don't stop please ....i miss you ....i need you....i ...want you ....
J: I am here ....i am here babe ...i am all yours .... always...
This was different.... desperate , needed , wanted ....
Her t- shirt goes on the floor as his shirt and they keep kissing like this was the only way to be alive ...
They parted for a second to gasp for hair....She looks at him and tells him...
H: Take me to bed Jay ....to our bed...
He doesn't need more to be said ...he lifts her up and she wraps her leg around his waist as he leads them to their bed...
His hands are everywhere on her body her hair ....her hands are everywhere on his body, his hair ....
J: God i missed you....i love you
That's what takes Hailey to loose the little control she has left....
She needed this , him....she wanted this , him ....this man that knows how to make her feel loved, wanted and what happened in the following hours is just that...showing each other how much they missed the other ....how much they wanted the other....
There was basically no space between them ...they need to feel each other....body to body ...soul to soul...
The only noises to be heard are their moans and i love you until they both fall apart into each other...
Hours later they are in their bed , in each other's arms caressing each other still not able to keep their hands off each other....
They don't know what comes next but they know that they're gonna face everything together...as together they destroyed and rebuilded ...