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I clutched the blade in my palm forcing it towards his gut.
The bastards surrounding this place raised there weapons aiming them at me.
Analysing his men, I returned my nasty glare towards the figure ahead of me. I drag th...
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Alaina Rose Lèon
DARKNESS FILLED MY INSIDES.
I couldn't do this anymore it hurt. It hurt to much to bare.
My breathing rising faster and faster. I couldn't control it. It felt like I was losing control. I couldn't control anything in my life even though it belonged to me . It was like someone was pulling from the other side trying to snatch my life away. I couldn't even control myself anymore.
I wanted someone to be here for me too, like there is for everyone but mines left. They all left me. I was 13, I wished they had felt pity on me just once. They killed him and destroyed me .
Now I'm too scared to let anyone in. Im too scared ill get attached and lose them too. I'm scared I will never be able to open up again .
I feel like it's my fault for everything wrong that happens and I just feel guilty. I want this feeling to stop but I just feel like I deserve it. I couldn't stop them from hurting him.
There were chatters outside but they were blurred. I couldn't hear them. It felt like I was drowning and will never be able to come back for air.
I wanted to pull myself together and walk out of this cubicle looking fine but I knew I was breaking inside. I wished nobody could see through me.
I wanted to speak to somebody about it and let my walls down and let them in. I can't I don't want to feel broken again. I was very familiar with this feeling and it would be painful to relive it all over again.
I want to live a normal life and have friends, mess about and have a normal boyfriend . I wanted to rely on someone without worrying if they will leave me or I will eventually lose them too. It never works out, it's always just me left out here by myself .
The talking and saunters of the other students were deafening but hushed at the same time. I felt numb sat on the toilet seat, my head in my hands as tears streamed down my blood-shot eyes. I know I can never be the same even if I get through this. Even if someone pulls me out.
I tried to pull myself together and wait for everyone to leave the university bathroom. I had sat here all lunch panicking about the artwork which was inspired on family, someone who you love. I didn't have any of that and it broke me how everyone had at least one person but I don't even have one.
After lunch had ended and most people were in their classrooms and everyone had left the bathroom. I walked out of the cubicle and straight to the sink trying to cover my face so no one sees my puffy eyes if they walk in. I couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to break down in front anymore people.
I splashed my face with cold water to soothe my burning eyes. I looked at the mirror to see if they had lost any colour but they were still bright red. Looking at my teary eyes just makes feel like having another breakdown. I calmed myself because I didn't want to leave this bathroom crying for everyone to see.
I wanted to finish my last lesson of the day before going home. I already missed most of my lesson this week because of my frequent panic attacks. I walked back into my classroom quietly and sat down in the corner on the top row so I would not be noticed.
I have had 3 panic attacks this week and it's Thursday. I was having panic attacks because it was getting closer to my birthdays and his death anniversary. I didn't like saying my dads death anniversary because it just makes me feel horrible. I feel like I once had a dad but not anymore because of me.
There was only 3 days left till my birthday . It was supposed to be an eventful day but it turned even more eventful when my dad was killed right in front of me on my 13th birthday.
I really hated my birthday because that was the day both my parents died. My mum died whilst giving birth to me. My mum had a choice to save herself or the baby and she chose me. It makes me even more selfish that she died trying to bring me into this world which I don't even to be in. I want to leave this world so bad but i feel like if I do she would be really disappointed and I can't let that happen because she gave me her life. That's the only reason I'm here surrounded by people and going to university to continue my mums profession.
My dad died trying to save me. Every time I remember that it breaks my heart. Why couldn't he just take me with him. Why did I have to be in this egotistical world all by myself .
Tears began to prick my eyes as the memory resurfaced in my mind.
I was about to ask to use the bathroom when I noticed everyone was exiting the room. I let out a breath of relief and packed up and made my way outside of the university to go home. ———————————————————————— 900 words Wow that's a lot. I'm soo proud I wrote 900 words . Opinions on my first ever chapter... Vote and follow me THANK YOU❤️❤️ Ily My souls (Please suggest a better nickname)
