Viral Summer

2 Never Had The Guts

i felt your love for a little while
but never had the guts
to give myself up
It Hurts Until It Doesn't- Mothers

"Hello my favorite people!" I say enthusiastically into the front facing camera of my phone. "I have officially landed in London, I'm exhausted, but I'm so excited to get to my new flat and meet everybody there. If you guys saw my last post, you'll know that I just graduated high school and I have had a really stressful year, so this trip could not have come at a better time for me. Anyway, everybody in this airport is looking at me like I'm crazy, so I'm going to stop filming now and I'll be back once I got to my building. I'm coming for you, Heather!"

Quickly, I put my phone down and hide it in my pocket to avoid any more annoyed looks from the people passing me in the airport. I'm sure I look like some self-obsessed social media influencer and really... I guess they aren't wrong? Not only that, but I'm sure my American accent isn't helping anything now that I'm in London.

Before filming for a video I'll edit together later, I called my parents to let them know that I landed safely and messaged Heather that I am on my way. Luckily, the airport is relatively easy to navigate, so I quickly get to the ride share pick up and order an Uber. We are friends with many of the YouTubers that live in London, which is why we're here in the first place, but the place we're staying is a decent drive away, so I felt guilty asking one of them to pick me up since there's eight of us flying in and those trips would add up. As far as I know, none of us had similar flights and will be showing up sporadically for two days.

For the first time in what feels like an entire twenty-four hours, I can feel my body relax when I get into the Uber with soothing air conditioning and quiet classical music playing from the stereo. The driver doesn't try to make conversation and I don't either. I use this drive to relax, gather my thoughts, and try to assess just how smelly I am after traveling for so many hours.

I'm only eighteen and this is my first time traveling completely by myself, and internationally, so it's been a stressful journey both for me and my poor mother. However, I'm more excited than I am exhausted.

First and foremost, I'm excited to see Heather. It's been a few months since we've seen each other and even though we talk almost every day now, seeing her in person will be like a breath of fresh air. All of my in-person friendships have seemed so complicated lately and it feels like Heather is sometimes the strongest tether I have to sanity. I'm excited to be getting away from all of the chaos back in Florida, and to meet a ton of creators that I've been watching and communicating with for years without actually being able to meet them.

I want my YouTube career to be a serious thing for me, but it's been hard since I was in high school. I didn't have as much time I'd like to work on videos, or the freedom to travel to go to events or meet fans and friends. I only just opened an online store to sell merchandise because Heather showed me how. Now that I don't have to worry about being under my parents' roof, or graduating high school, I'm excited to put all of my energy into my YouTube channel.

Granted, I will be starting college in the fall, so it might be difficult to juggle everything when I go back to America, but I don't want to worry about that yet.

I wake up from a calming nap when the Uber parks at the front of a familiar-looking apartment building. Wells had sent us pictures of the building so that we knew we were in the right place, so I feel confident that I put the address in correctly and I just have to find the right apartment now. I thank the driver and remove my two giant suitcases and guitar case from the trunk before watching the car drive away.

Inside the building, I feel unbelievably relieved to see an elevator in the corner of the clean lobby so that I won't have to lug my heavy luggage up any staircases. I haven't seen any pictures of the inside of the apartment, but Wells did give pretty detailed instructions on how to find the right door. Sixth floor, left hallway, five doors down.