Viral Summer

9 Rubix With No Cube

Now I'm peanut better without jelly,
Feeling like Ben without his Jerry.
Or Shaggy losing Scoob,
Rubix with no cube.

Who am I without you?
What will I ever do?
Who Am I- Jensen Cane

My conversation with Elliot plays through my mind for most of the day after our talk. Although I would rather mope in my self pity for falling into the same trap for the upteenth time, I have to film a video today for my channel. I haven't recorded a song since I got to London and I've procrastinated it for so long already, so I find it in myself to drag all of the recording equipment into the courtyard outside of the apartment building. It's not too windy today and there's a large tree near the brick building that makes for a good backdrop.

As I'm finishing up the setup for the video, I get a text from Elliot. I haven't heard from him all day, but I was curious if he would reach out after the weird ending to our conversation last night. I don't even want to look at the message though, because I know what it's going to say. He's going to apologize for hiding me from Cara, I'm going to be mad for a little bit, but then I'll go back to him like nothing ever happened. I've let myself get stuck in this cycle with him ever since he started dating her.

I put my phone back in my jeans pocket and press the record button on the large camera before grabbing my guitar and taking a seat on the stool I'd placed near the tree. I know my head isn't quite in it yet though, so I don't start playing the song right away.

I sit the guitar down beside the stool and draft a message in my head about what I'd say to Elliot if I was strong enough to give him up. I'd tell him that I was tired of feeling like an afterthought in his life and that I deserved more from our friendship than what he was giving me. Then I'd block his number and I would only focus my attention on the friends I have that prioritize me and my happiness.

If letting him in my life is bringing me so much confusion and pain, why am I finding it so impossible to let go?

"Hey," Harris catches my attention as he enters the courtyard from the main doors of the building. "Are you recording yet?"

"Um, no," I sit up straight on the stool and try to snap myself out of my thoughtful trance. "I mean, the camera is on, I'm just about to start."

"Heather said you were out here," he tells me. "I'm really only good with post production, but thought I'd offer a helping hand."

"Everything's set up already, but thanks for the offer," I say politely as I pull my phone back out of my pocket and stare at Elliot's name on the screen. Deciding against reading the message yet again, I drop the phone into the grass beside me.

"Well, everybody else is off doing their own thing today and I'm really bored in there listening to Heather and Maria talk about which One Direction member has the best solo career. It's obviously Harry. So can I at least pretend like I'm helping?"

"Sure." In all honesty, I don't really want company right now, but Harris has a sort of calming presence. Maybe it's the low, smooth sound of his voice or his laid back attitude, but I don't really mind allowing him to hang out here with me despite my bad mood.

"Everything okay?" Harris asks me slowly as he stands beside the camera, seemingly looking into the viewfinder to feel like he's being helpful. "You seem kinda off."

"Just some drama from back home," I shrug it off as I grab my guitar and try to ignore the pit that's still rumbling at the bottom of my stomach over this Elliot mess. "It's stupid."

"With Elliot?" he prods again.

I look up at him, looking confused as to how he knows about Elliot. I don't know Harris that well and haven't really told him about my life back home very much, and definitely never went into details about my complicated history with Elliot. "How do you know who that is?" I ask him.