Viral Summer

26 Turn Me Down

It's hard to be what you need through a static screen
Been trying to speak for weeks and weeks
Open my mouth
All that comes out is white noise and incomprehensible sounds
And all you ever do is turn me down
White Noise - Pvris

"It didn't even hurt that bad," I tell Beckett over the phone the next day.

"That's just so random," he says with a laugh. "I can't believe you got a tattoo."

"Heather is a bad influence on me," I say jokingly. "It was all her fault."

"Send me a picture of it, my mom is going to love this," he tells me. "You know she's always saying that the best adventures are the ones you don't expect. You running out to get a tattoo is the epitome of that, she's going to be so proud."

"Do you think she could give some of that enthusiasm to my parents?" I wonder jokingly. "Anyway, that's not the reason I called you."

"Okay, what's up?"

"After that talk we had a few days ago, I don't want to tiptoe around you about anything," I tell him after taking a deep breath to prepare myself for this conversation. "So I just wanted to give you a heads up about this song I'm going to release pretty soon. I wasn't sure I wanted to release it, but Harris is producing this really great track for it and Heather thinks it could do really well."

"That sounds like good news," he tells me with a short laugh.

"It's about you," I blurt it out quickly. "Not in a good way."

"Oh."

"I'll send you over a copy if you want to listen. There's not like, anything identifying you in the lyrics but I know that you'll know it's about you when you listen to it, so I just wanted to give you a heads up," I explain to him. "And I don't want it to make things weird."

"It won't be weird," he promises me. "I'm excited to hear more of your original music, even if it's a brutal attack on me as a person."

I can't help but laugh and I feel so relieved that he is joking about it. "I'm really excited about it. And don't feel singled out or anything, everybody around me is getting a scathing review in song form. Elliot's is coming too and I've even started a rough draft on Harris."

"Harris, really?" he wonders curiously. "What about him?"

"It's... unfinished," I tell him quickly. "Can't give anything away."

"Are you going to warn Elliot too?" he asks me curiously.

"I'll send him a text when I release it, but that's it. I'm still on a break from him," I answer as I'm brushing through my hair. I have plans to meet up with Heather soon to shoot a video together so I have my makeup done and I'm wearing a nice sweater and jeans. "Oh, and you'll never get this. That new manager I'm working with got me and Heather a real life gig here in London."

"No shit," he says with a laugh. "You're going to play in front of a crowd?"

"I'm going to try my best," I mumble. "I'm kind of freaking out about it. I've sang for a few groups here, but they were all friends and not strangers, so I'm pretty nervous about it. Heather is so excited though."

"That's really exciting, Jen. You're going to crush it," he assures me.

"Thanks."

Before he can respond, Heather is barging through my bedroom door with two dresses in her hands. "Which one of these makes my butt look better?" she asks me before realizing I'm on the phone. "Oh, sorry. Is that your mom? Tell her I say hi."

"It's Beckett."

Her face scrunches up in distaste and then she says, "Do not tell him I say hi."