christmas eve

B o n u s t w o

A week later

"The snow is melting," I whispered.

I swallowed as I peeked through the curtains, suddenly feeling uneasy. Usually, I hated the cold and would have celebrated the change of the season, but this was different.

It meant change.

And I had no idea what as about to happen.

I bit my lip anxiously, fumbling with the soft fabric of the flowy, white curtains.

I was so caught up with myself that I didn't even hear the crack of the door or the footsteps that neared.

"What are we staring at?"

I jumped. Turning my head to the side, wide eyed, I looked up to Cade.

But before I was able to become lost in his dark eyes, I adverted my gaze again.

"Holly?"

I shook my head, still lost in my thoughts.

"It's nothing," I mumbled.

It was quiet, and then I felt him step closer to me. I leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around my middle and enjoyed his warmth.

This. Just this.

I needed more time.

He placed his chin onto the top of my head, and I felt his thumb brush over my side. A quiet moment passed.

"You said that before," was the first thing he said. I felt him move and then press his lips to the top of my head in a soft kiss. "But you were happier then."

I nodded slowly, licking over my lips.

I lifted my hands and wrapped my fingers around his forearms. He felt strong. And warm. Safe.

My grip tightened.

He must have felt it. "Is everything alright?"

His question made me tense.

"Yes."

But then, I paused.

I didn't want to lie to him. But even I wasn't so sure about what was wrong or right.

I just felt... wrong. Full of unease.

"No," I admitted quietly then.

I had no idea how I could tell him about this. My own brain was still stuck in a tornado full of all empty questions I had for myself. I wasn't even sure if I made any sense.

His warmth seemed to pull me in as he engulfed me.

"Wanna talk about it?"

And there it was.

Instead of forcing me to tell him how I felt, he always asked me if I wanted to share my feelings with. I loved this about him. He could be as goofy as he was, but he still... cared.

He just cared.

A small smile tugged at my lips, but then it quickly faded again, as if it had never been there. I began to gnaw on my lip.

"I don't even know how to explain this," I whispered to him.

When I didn't continue, he asked, "Did I do something?"

I frowned. "No."

My answer may have had come to quick, because I felt him tense behind me.

"No, Cade, I mean it. This isn't about you."