Dimitri's Point of View in Vampire Academy (VA fans) (Book 1)

Part 18

Chapter 18:

I had learned after the cabin raid that Victor had used Lissa's healing powers to cure his disease. Although it would eventually come back to him, he was healthy for now. Rose was sent to the clinic because of the PSI hounds fight she and Christian had gotten into. I had cancelled our training again particularly because I was trying to avoid her. Four days past before I saw Rose again and within those days I had realized something.

Not only was age a problem between us, but being assigned as Lissa's future guardians was a huge factor. If we allowed ourselves to love each other who knew what would happen when a Strigoi attacked? I knew if I let myself love Rose I'd throw my body in front of hers rather than Lissa's. Guardians weren't supposed to be distracted. That's why I had avoided love and girls for so long afraid that the result would end badly and kill my charge.

Rose needed a teacher who was strong willed, determined, and strict. I had to become that teacher in order for Rose to succeed. Her future depended on me and my knowledge. I knew you couldn't force love, you can't take it away either. But you can lock it up and avoid it. I had tried that in the past and it had failed. But this time I knew what to do. I knew the right thing to do when I saw Rose next. 

I just hadn't planned to run into her at the gym. She froze when she saw me. I knew her mind was still lingering on that night. Mine had too but now I was determined to do the right thing, even if that meant a horrible result. I started to walk past her and then stopped.

"Rose...you need to report what happened. With us."

"I can't do that. They'll fire you. Or worse." She said as she turned to face me, shock lined her beautiful features.

"They should fire me. What I did was wrong."

"You couldn't help it. It was the spell..." I wanted to believe this for so long, but knew that spells never worked that way. My heart sank at the thought of Rose's hope.

"It doesn't matter. It was wrong. And stupid."

I could see the hurt in her eyes. Feelings started to pour out of me but I held them back, keeping control as I watched her bite her lip, her eyes started getting glassy. The only thing that kept those feelings from taking over me was the words: It's the right thing. "Look, it's not a big deal."

I needed her to understand. "It is a big deal! I took advantage of you."

"No, you didn't." Her voice had an even tone to it, the tears that had been swimming in her eyes were gone now.

"Rose, I'm seven years older than you. In ten years, that won't mean so much, but for now, it's huge. I'm an adult. You're a child." I had to hurt her further in order for her to understand my seriousness. To get her to stop liking me back so we could focus on Lissa. Her life depended on us and if we couldn't get that through our heads we were all doomed.

She winced at my words, as if they had punched her. "You didn't seem to think I was a child when you were all over me."

I didn't mean to but I flinched at that. "Just because your body...well, that doesn't make you an adult. We're in two very different places. I've been out in the world. I've been on my own. I've killed, Rose--people, not animals. And you...you're just starting out. Your life is about homework and clothes and dances."

Her body relaxed more as she continued to stare up at me. "That's all you think I care about?"

"No, of course not. Not entirely. But it's all part of your world. You're still growing up and figuring out who you are and what's important. You need to keep doing that. You need to be with boys your own age." She continued to stare at me, not saying a word. "Even if you choose not to tell, you need to understand that it was a mistake. And it isn't ever going to happen again."