Don't Give Up On Me

Chapter 36

Monday, 7:30am

"Wait, wait, what is it again?" Derek asked as he rubbed his hands over his face.

"Gamma radiation and drug therapy. It's in phase 2 at Johns Hopkins, and it's had good results on patients like Mer." Lexie replied.

"That's risky as hell, lex. Her body's already weak as it possibly can be." He said with a sigh. "Derek, we have to try." She urged.

"Tom?" Derek asked as he surveyed the doctors and surgeons in front of him.

"I say it's worth a shot. If it gives her a chance, i think we should do it." He replied confidently.

"I'd disagree.  We're at the point where if we do more, it could just end up killing her sooner. This trial is fairly new, as well." Dr Swender spoke up.

"It could kill her sooner. But she's going to die eventually. We could give her a chance." Lexie argued.

"If anyone can beat the odds and survive this, it's Grey." Bailey said supportively. "I-I have to talk to Mer. It's up to her." Derek sighed.

"You're her POA." Mark pointed out.

"I know. But I'm not putting her through more pain and throwing up if she doesn't want to. I can't do that to her no matter how much I want her to live." Derek replied.

"I'll keep doing research. Let us know what she says." Lexie said as Derek nodded and walked back to her room, thinking.

Give her a chance to live, but put her through grueling gamma radiation and countless drugs?

Or let her go home and die peacefully?

It was an impossibly tough decision to make. Derek honestly didn't know what he would do. He didn't want to lose the love of his life, he would be heart broken, but he didn't want to put her through any more pain.

•••

Meredith woke up to the rhythmatic beeping of the hospital machines. As she had been for a while.

"Hi, dear." Carolyn smiled as she pulled her chair closer. "Hi." Meredith whispered in response, looking around for a certain blue-eyed black haired neurosurgeon.

"Derek's talking to some doctors." Carolyn said gently. "I k-know we t-talked about t-this but P-please m-m-make sure he-he's okay." She said quietly.

"I will, sweetheart. It'll take time but he'll be okay." The older woman said softly.

"It's g-gonna ki-kill him." Meredith answered. "It will. I know what it's like to lose a spouse. I'll make sure he's okay and I'll take care of him. You don't need to worry about that." Carolyn replied.

"Love h-him s-so much." Meredith whispered, a tear dropping from her eye. "I know you do. That love doesn't die. I still miss my husband, even 40 years later. You guys will meet up again someday." She said soothingly.

"What's going on? Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Dereks nervous voice rang out as he walked into the room.

"Fine." Meredith replied. "What is it, Derek?" Carolyn asked, noticing her sons stressed demeanor.

"It's about your treatment, Mer." He said. "I'll leave you two to talk. Let me know." Ceroktn said, kissing Meredith's cheek and Derek's before leaving the room.

"What I-is it?" She asked quietly as he sat down in the chair Carolyn previously occupied.

"Lexie found some clinical trail that has good results for cancers like yours. It's gamma radiation and drug therapy. Phase 2 at Hopkins." Derek explained.

"M-more radiation?" Meredith asked. "I know. It's your last chance, Mer. And I want you to choose." Derek replied.

"W-whether I d-die in n-no pain or h-have a s-small shot at l-liv-living w-with a l-lot of p-pain?"

"Yeah." He answered honestly. "W-what d-do you want m-me to do?" She asked, her voice hoarse. Derek sighed as he poured her a cup of water.

"I want you to live, obviously. But I don't want to see you hurting. And gamma radiation is brutal on patients. It's gonna be a hell of a fight." He admitted, helping her drink the water.

"I w-want to l-live." Meredith breathed. "This could kill you sooner." Derek said gently. "I'd r-rather d-die f-fighting than g-going t-the easy w-way out." Meredith said, smirking slightly.

"There's my Mer." Derek smiled slightly, kissing her softly. "I-I'll try it." Meredith said. "Okay. I'll tell everyone." He said, his fear growing, but masking it well.

"T-Tito?" Meredith asked. "He's with izzie right now I think. They love him." Derek chuckled. "Good." Meredith whispered, her eyes falling shut. "Sleep." Derek said quietly.

Once she was asleep, Derek got up from the chair and walked back to the conference room, where it seemed everyone was doing research now.

"She wants to do it. She said she'd rather die fighting with a chance." He announced. "We'll start as soon as possible." Tom nodded.

Derek nodded and left the room, trying to contain his emotions. He was terrified. He was just starting to get used to the idea of his fiancée dying. But this was a whole different thing.

"Derek?" His mother asked as she gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine." Derek said, his voice shaky.

"No, you're not. Come on." Carolyn said, pulling him into an on call room. "Let it out." She instructed. "I cant. I have-I have to be strong." Derek gasped as be inhaled sharply.

"No you don't. Im your mother. You don't have to hide your feelings around me." She said. "I can't lose her. But I'm probably going to." He whispered as tears streamed down his face.

"You might. I know how that feels, Derek. And you'll get through it. I know it feels impossible to imagine right now. But you will get through it." Carolyn said, rubbing his back.

"I thought Addison was it. But I didn't feel a fraction with her of what I feel like Mer. And now it feels like the world is collapsing. I can't picture my life without her. And she's choosing this ridicously risky treatment plan and she's going to be hurting so much. And I can't see that." Derek cried softly.

"If there's even a sliver of a chance that she could survive this, take that chance. I haven't know merefith all that long, but I can tel she's a fighter. Don't give up hope, Derek. Not while there's still a chance." She said.

"I love her so much. I'd give up anytning to be in her place instead of her." He whispered. "I know you would. But right now you just have to fight with her. You're as much in this as she is. Fight with her, Derek." Ceroktn whispered in response.

Hey guys!! Im sorry for the large gaps in between updates, I'm just really busy with life! I started my first job today and school is busy and I just haven't had a lot of time to update, especially this one since it's so medically detailed. I hope you all enjoyed this though, and I will try to update sooner.