The Doctor, The Billionaire, The Baby

Anxiety Inducing

TRIGGER WARNING

Hey y'all! I'm so happy to be updating for you! I wanted to put a trigger warning because this chapter depicts a panic attack as well as a hospitalization for mental health. I hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think! Also this is a LONG ass chapter. :)

---------------

I sit on the examination chair trying to steady my racing heart and breathing as the nurse comes to take my blood pressure and pulse. To say I was nervous for this appointment was an understatement. Most women are nervous for their first prenatal appointment, but the selfish part of me doubts they're as nervous as I am at this moment. I know every single thing that could be wrong with this baby. I know every single disease, malformation and genetic error. Every. Single. One. I envy Colton. I know he's nervous but I doubt he's running through a million scenarios in his head about horrible diagnoses, each one worse than the last.

It would be one thing if I had looked up all of these on WebMD before the appointment, but instead all of these scenarios are all too real for me. I've lived every one of them as the doctor, telling unsuspecting mothers that there's nothing I can do. It makes me feel hopeless, more than I care to admit.

I lean against the back of the chair, closing my eyes and taking a deep shaky breath trying to swallow the nausea that has built since arriving at the exam room. Colton seems to notice my extreme discomfort, as I feel his hands grab my clammy ones.

I don't think I've been this anxious in years, and it almost makes me wonder if I'm about to have a panic attack. I can feel Colton rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hands but I refuse to open my eyes and continue to focus on breathing. In the back of my mind I can hear him and the nurse speaking but it feels far from my consciousness. I pray to god that the suffocating pressure in my chest goes away soon, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can feel the tears burning behind my eyelids as someone shakes my shoulders, but at that moment I don't care.

I let my fear swallow me whole in that moment, and I know there's no going back. I can feel myself being laid flat as I finally become aware I'm hyperventilating and shaking, violently. The voices around me seem to become louder, trying to push themselves to the forefront of my mind, but all I can focus on is my heart pounding against my ribs. I feel something cool placed against my forehead as I become more aware of the hands in mine, the ones I'm squeezing the absolute life out of.

A moment later it feels as if the real world comes flooding back in all at once, and the voices around me suddenly become clear. I can hear Colton begging me to open my eyes, begging me to hear him, and I do just that.

I jerk into a sitting position as my eyes open gasping for the air my lungs had been starved of for an unknown amount of time. I feel hands on my shoulders and I look up to meet the eyes of Dr. Fanning, whom I can't even remember entering the room.

"Faye, can you hear me?" She asks, looking into my eyes.

I nod, feeling my breathing and heart rate slow, unfortunately still leaving the pressure in my chest behind.

She looks relieved and takes a step back nodding to the nurse who looked to be hovering over the rapid response button next to the other call buttons on the wall.

That would have been fucking embarassing, the whole floor showing up to watch me have a panic attack.

I finally look over to Colton who looks paler than I remember him looking when we got in here. I look down to our hands, finally realizing his were the ones I was squeezing the life out of and slowly release my death grip.

Before my mind even registers what I'm doing a sob breaks out of me as I shove myself into Colton's lap, not caring that the nurse or Dr. Fanning are in the room. I can see his surprised expression as I lean into his chest but he doesn't say anything as he wraps his arms around me.