reasons to go, reasons to stay ➸ camren

chapter three ➸ who am i to love

Present Day

“Banana?”

“What do you say?” Camila prodded, looking over at her daughter who was scribbling furiously on a piece of paper with a crayon.

Rowan paused and looked up at Camila, thinking for a moment before her face lit up when she realized what her mother was hinting at. “Banana… please?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Camila couldn’t help but smile at Rowan. “Coming right up,” she laughed, ruffling her daughter’s hair and planting a kiss on the top of her head before heading into the kitchen.

She grabbed a banana and began cutting it into thin slices, tossing them into a small plastic bowl and setting it on the counter. When she moved to get something from the refrigerator, she paused for a moment to admire the pictures of Rowan she had hanging up.

Her eyes stopped when they landed on a certain picture. This one wasn’t of Rowan. She’d shoved it to the far side of the fridge to keep herself from looking at it, but she never could bring herself to take it down.

Two little girls stood in front of a colorful wall, both holding balloons. Their hair was short, choppy, as if they had given each other a haircut with a pair of dull scissors. The smaller one had a giant grin on her face, her smile spreading from ear to ear as she greeted the camera eagerly. The other girl was more subtle. She wasn’t looking at the camera, instead her green eyes were on the girl next to her, and the picture was taken just as they entered a fit of giggling.

Camila missed that. She missed them. She’d never brought herself to take the picture down.

Lauren had kept true to her word. Camila hadn’t heard from her since that night. The same night Camila had crawled into Rowan’s bed and held her daughter close to her, clutching the only thing she had left tight to her chest.

She sighed, tearing her eyes away from the picture. Camila opened the fridge, grabbing the milk carton and walking back over to the counter.

——

“Dinah, I’m fine. I just need to hear her voice.”

“Lauren, you’re drunk. Please don’t do this. You’ve been doing so well,” the Polynesian girl begged her, both of their hands resting on the phone in front of them.

Lauren pulled her phone away from Dinah, shaking her head and clutching it to her chest. “I deserve this.”

Dinah sighed, shaking her head and standing up.

“Whatever, Laur. I really have to go, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

Lauren nodded. “I’ll be fine, Dinah, really. I just don’t want to forget what her voice sounds like.”

“I get that, I really do,” Dinah said softly, leaning forward and squeezing Lauren’s forearm. “Just take care of yourself.”

Lauren waited until she heard the front door shut to unlock her phone, dialing the number that she knew by heart.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

“…. Hello?”

——

Camila poured a cup of milk for Rowan, and was just about to put the milk back into the refrigerator when she heard her daughter talking in the other room.

“What do you need, Ro?” she called, grabbing the bowl and cup and hurrying back into the living room.

“My Mama,” Rowan cooed, turning towards Camila. In her hand was Camila’s phone, pressed snugly against her ear.