reasons to go, reasons to stay ➸ camren

chapter twenty five ➸ can anybody hear her?

1 year later

"Rowan, that pan is hot!" Lauren called from the couch as the small girl ran into the kitchen.

"Rowan, did you hear me?" Lauren called again. She was answered by a crash and an ear piercing wail from the other room. She threw her book down on the couch and hurried into the kitchen.

"It's hot!" Rowan cried, running to Lauren and holding out her hand. Lauren bent down and picked her up, cradling her against her chest.

"I told you, Ro. I just took those cookies out of the oven," Lauren said, setting the small girl on the counter and wiping her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie. She grabbed a bowl and filled it with cold water, setting it next to Rowan and slowly dipping her hand into it.

"You didn't tell me it was hot!"

"Yes I did, silly. I yelled when you ran through the living room."

"I didn't hear you!" Rowan huffed. Lauren reached up to wipe another tear from her face.

"Just like you didn't hear me when I told you not to climb on the dresser?" Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not lying, mommy! I didn't hear you!" Rowan hung her head down, feeling guilty.

Lauren took a deep breath. This was only confirming her suspicions. Rowan had been getting into trouble for the past few months. At home and at pre-school.

At first Lauren had assumed it was her daughter's way of acting out after Camila left.

Yes, Rowan was now legally her daughter. And yes, Camila was still gone.

It hurt Lauren more each day.

Rowan didn't take her mother's disappearance well. She didn't understand why Camila had left them without even saying goodbye. And Lauren couldn't offer her an explanation, because she didn't understand either. So they coped together.

Lauren took over Camila's role as a mother and sung to Rowan each night before she went to bed, and Rowan filled some of the Camila-shaped hole in Lauren's heart just by being her daughter. Sometimes Lauren would see little bits of Camila showing in Rowan and it would warm her heart but make her extremely homesick at the same time.

"We're gonna go to the doctor tomorrow, okay Ro?" Lauren bit her lip. A month ago she had received the required hearing and vision tests done on each child at Rowan's school, and her daughter's hearing was sufficiently worse than the average child her age.

Rowan nodded softly. "Are they gonna make me do the beeping test?" she asked. "They made me to the beeping test at school, with my ears. You have to listen and raise your hand when you hear a beep. They made me do it three times, but my friends only did it once."

Lauren took a deep breath. "I don't know, Ro. We'll see."

"Can I have a cookie now?" the small girl asked, pulling her hand out of the bowl of water and looking at the red blotch where she'd touched the pan. Lauren laughed and grabbed one of the cookies, placing it on a napkin and handing it to Rowan.

"Ro, wait-" she called, but Rowan had already taken off into the living room, not hearing her mother calling her back. Lauren inhaled slowly and leaned on the counter, letting her head fall into her hands.

She was stressed beyond her limit. A few months after Camila left and Lauren hadn't heard anything from her, she moved both her and Rowan into a small apartment an hour or so away from their old house. She didn't like the memories there. But she couldn't get rid of the beach house, either. If Camila ever came back, that's where she'd go.