How we meet

Chapter 30

If there was one thing you had learned from your life, it was the fact no one liked you. The cheering screams, the applause, and praise, it was never directed at you. You would let your legs dangle from the bench, your eyes would observe. Your tongue would be tied, you would grow upset faster than the other kids, it seemed like they just hated you. You stayed with the books, they were less complicated. You may have struggled your way through the pages, but you always preferred to read the words. You could dissect them. There was no risk of you mishearing, if you forgot you could double-check your memory may fail but you could always double-check.
But you learned that the people who hated you were always your age. The little kids liked to run circles around you, they liked to stack blocks with you for no reason whatsoever. You would pile them up, create walls and towers and when other kids would tear them down you wouldn't cry, if you become upset so would the kid, so you would clean up the mess, stack it up, and push it over again. The blocks would tumble down and bang against the ground but you wouldn't mind. You and the kids had found another thing to do together. They like to follow you around for no reason you could name, even if you hated kids, you had to admit that it was nice that they didn't mind you.
You sat here now surrounded by kids, a marker in their hands and their small hands scribbling away on your cast. They giggled and laughed at the flowers, the wonky hearts, the scribbles of clouds. You didn't mind. Their eyes were bright, and you happily sat there as they spoke, their words slurring together, their woods mixing into a way you couldn't understand. They struggled with the Rs stumbled over their S' and you smiled awkwardly as they couldn't produce certain letters because of missing teeth.
You let them put a plastic crown with ugly painted gems atop your head. You smiled when they forced you into the chair and demanded you play tea party. You let them pour you a class of steaming nothingness. You didn't comment a word of distaste as the dirt and stone crumpets were tossed onto a pink plastic plate. When they mixed together mud and leaves and declared that it was a cake you smiled and complemented its appearance.
N snickered with love as he hid behind the corner. With all respect to the kids, he didn't want to be in the same situation. And with all of the lighthearted disrespect to you, you looked horrible in that gaudy crown and wilted flowers. He didn't know what to do for you, part of him didn't even want to. As much as you looked awkward and out of place he thought it was hilarious.
"Do you have a prince?" asked the little boy and the oversized tiara. His blank hir was ruffled and would have to have the crown detangled out with the flowers and leaves they had covered his head in. "You're older than us, are you married?" he asked dramatically, collapsing face-first across the table mud and dirt splattered against his cheeks.
"No," you shook your head.
The little boy gasped and sat straight up in his chair. The kids looked at you in horror.
"You have a girlfriend or something right?" a red-haired girl demanded you to answer.
"Not even a boyfriend!" another little girl with her hair in buns screamed, jumping to conclusions.
"Wait-"
"I thought all adults had a partner?"
"They don't have a person they're dating?"
You slumped back into your chair. Your brain was fried. What the hell were you supposed to do?
"I don't-" you started, "I mean I-" Oh no this was so awkward. "It's not like I need to be married?" you did not sound confident in the slightest.
"Do you like anyone?"
"I suppose?" you hadn't thought about it. What were you and N? You liked him, sure, but what did you call this? "I guess I like someone, I'm just not dating anyone?"
The kids sat quietly, their hands pressed to their chins. The thinking wasn't exactly a good sign here. They all hummed at the same time. That's even weirder. Kids terrified you sometimes, perhaps you'll never have kids because of that.
"The Faris wheel!" one screamed.
"That's right!"
"You should go there!" the boy demanded.
"Why?" you asked, flinching when they all groaned.
"You gotta go on a date with them! Obviously!"
"It's in basically every movie!" the redhead explained, the one with the buns continuing on.
"It's guaranteed to work!"
You sat there confused and they cleaned up their mess and collected their things. "We'll be back in a week, you need to tell us about the date when we come back okay!" they waved, barely catching their things before they fell to the ground.
Kids were a little strange, you guessed. Yet they had a point. You should sort out your feelings. You should ask him out. You did enjoy the idea of going on a Ferris wheel too. That would be nice, it didn't even have to be a date. You were fine if it wasn't a date it's not like you wanted to rush anything! You just didn't want to move too fast and mess it all up. To start over again scares you.
You had uprooted yourself from the poisoned soil once before. You were no longer engaged by the looming branches of rotting apples. The corrupting venom of a snake was no longer hovering over your every move. You had escaped it once, you never wanted to have to do it again.
Perhaps that is why it's so hard now. At the slightest change- the mildest discomfort made you scared. One wrong shake of a leaf made you fear the poisoned fruit. A single shake that made the leaves rattle made you freeze and suffocate in a scream as the image of those eyes flashed in your mind. You escaped it once before and you wanted to flee again at every sign of struggle, fearing that you couldn't do it again.
You didn't mind the kids leaving, if anything it gave you time to think. You sinked into yourself, you let your thoughts swirl. The tide of your wind grew unpredictable. It dragged the exuberant thoughts to the depths of the channel, your fears grappling onto them. The venom seeped into your mind, it bubbled and stirred. Teeming with horrors of your mind you sat there frozen as a warm hand seated itself on your shoulder.
"How's your first day back?" Burgh. Oh, Burgh had saved you from yourself and he will never know.
"It was alright."
You still couldn't do a lot of things but you still overlooked the greenhouse with the same amount of care. N had temporarily been hired to be your assistant until you were back to normal, and if you couldn't N had promised to continue working with you unless you said otherwise. Working has managed to help you relax ironically enough.
"I'm glad to hear that." he reached out, picking up a marker from the table. You moved your arm so he could draw on it. He uncapped the marker. It's the strong alcoholic smell that makes you scrunch up your nose.
You wondered what to do. You let Burgh doodle, connecting lines and drawing circles. Ink seeped into the cast. the sharp scent hung in the air. It almost made you feel sick after a while. He happily talked away, his words took root in your mind. They prevented the weeds of doubt and stress from festering inside of your heart. He rambled and you weren't really focusing until he said a name.
"What about Caitlin?"
"She's out of the hospital, she's going to modle for me!" Burgh beamed about his idea.
She was out of the hospital? Why wasshe even there to begin with? Why had no one told you? Wait what had even happened to her after you and N fled? Was this somehow your fault?
N walked a panicked venipede on his shoulders, your venipede. He had ran to N originally to talk about the kids but he stuck around when he heard Burgh talk. He was worried. You seemed too caught up in your thoughts, he wanted to get N there in the hopes he could help. Yet while N couldn't understand human hearts he could understand Venipede's.
"I was hoping you'd come too? I need some flower arrangements and I think you'll find just the thing that will set my painting over the top!" he rammbled on and on even as N placed his hand on your shoulders and sat down beside you.
"You okay?"
You looked up at N's gray eyes. He looked so worried that you felt like you should apologize. You didn't let yourself apologize but you nodded your head even though you weren't sure of yourself.
"I-" you froze, your words got caught in your throat like honey they stuck and they refused to make any sense as your brain tried to say three things at once. "I just didn't know."
Oh, you sounded pathetic. You cared about Caitlin, it didn't matter that you had only known her for a few days, that you hadn't had many conversations with her. You cared about her. She reminded you so much of what you longed for as a child, even if you didn't care about those things now, you still cared about her. What kind of person forgets to ask about the people they care about? What kind of monster are you? Why can't you simply stop making mistakes? Why couldn't you remember to ask?
"I should have asked about her." It was such a weak tone of voice. It was so light that not even a dog coul hear you. Your voice might has well been a whisper, you could have just not spoken at all. It wouldn't have made a difference, no one would have heard anyways.
"Lets go somewhere," N made you close the book of your thoughts. "How about we ride the faris wheel? I'll make lunch."
"I- okay!" you stumbled over your words. You could use the distraction and besides you needed to figure out what to say when those kids showed back up if they showed back up.