Can't Take Back What You Said

1

"I love you, and I can't live without you."

Dereks voice continued repeating itself over and over in her head. On some level, she forgave him, and she knew it was just a kiss. Just one kiss.

But on other level, she realized he did the same thing he did with Addison. He flew across the country and kissed another younger woman.

He insisted it was just one guess, out of pure misery. And she believed that. Derek wouldn't lie about sleeping with another woman. He would never do that to her.

But the thought of his tongue in another woman's mouth made her sick to her stomach.

Meredith had never been cheated on before, so it made her think. Was she not pretty enough? Too old? Did pregnancy ruin her body?

Meredith sighed as she plopped herself down on the couch. She didn't want to hear about the other woman, but she knew she needed to if they wanted to move past it.

Derek got home a little over a week ago. They had been doing okay, trying to keep everything as normal as possible when the kids were around.

But when they weren't around, it was awkward.

Right now, the kids were with Callie and they were sitting on the couch, Derek in one side, Meredith on the other.

"Mer-" Derek started.

"No. Let me start. I believe you when you say it meant notning. I believe you when you say it was just one kiss. I believe you and I trust you. The reason it bothers me so much is because this is what you did with Addison. You ran to Seattle and met me. You ran to DC and met...her. I know it didn't mean anything, but this is why my childhood was so shitty. My mom cheated on Thatcher and then he left and started a new family. I promised to never do that to my kids. So please, I think we just need to move past this whole DC thing. I know we discussed you resigning, but..." Meredith trailed off.

"I get what you're saying. And I swear, it was just one kiss, one kiss that I'll regret for the rest of my life. It's always been you, Mer. I know I messed up, badly. I know. And I'm going to resign from the NIH. You know what I realized when I was over there?" Derek asked.

"What?"

"I realized that that job isn't worth it. Sure, it was my dream at some point, but the dream isn't worth being on the other side of the country. You know, Richard once told me that family is the most important thing and he regrets working more than being with Adele. I shrugged it off then, but now I realize what he's saying. So, I'm going to resign." Derek explained.

"Are you sure that's what you want? I may not like it but I want you to be happy." She said. "It's what I want. I promise." He replied, scooting closer to her on the couch.

Meredith did the same so that they were right next to each other. "I love you, Meredith. And I know I screwed up, but I promise I'm going to make it up to you." He whispered, grabbing her hand confidently.

Meredith dropped his hand gently and smiled slightly. "I love you too. But first, I need you to tell me exactly what happened between you and the woman." Meredith replied.

"What?" Derek asked in shock. "If we want to move past this, which we will, I need to know what happened. Why you kissed her, did you enjoy it, I need to know to put my mind at ease." Meredith explained.

"I-" Derek trailed off. "I'm not gonna be mad. Ok, we'll I might be mad but I need to hear this." She replied.

"I was in the lab, it was late. I don't even remember what time. Renee, that's her name, she was in there. She was always....flirty, I guess, but I didn't think anything of it. You missed my FaceTime call before, I think you were in surgery, that made me sad. And she just...came closer to me and asked what was wrong. I told her I was just having a bad day and she....kissed me. I admit I didn't pull away right away, but then I realized what I was doing and stopped it. That was wrong of me, and I regret it so much." Derek explained.

Meredith inhaled sharply and looked at him. "Did you like it? Was she better than me?" She asked, trying to put on a brave front although it was killing her to hear this.

"No, Mer. I didn't like it. I wanted you. I didn't like it at all, I promise you. I should've pulled away. I'm so sorry I ever did it." Derek replied, looking down at his lap, ashamed at himself.

Meredith scooted closer to him and hesitantly grabbed his hand.

Meredith surprised him by resting her head on shoulder. Derek smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "We'll be okay. We have a lifetime." She whispered.

•••

Derek was happy. He was happy for the first time in....a while. The kiss with Renee would be sometning be would regret for the rest of his life. He never should've done that, no matter how lonely and depressed he felt.

He had an incredible wife. A gorgeous, talented, and loving wife and mother. Derek was the luckiest man alive. And for him to do something like that and she still forgiving him just showed how strong she was and how strong their love was.

Right now, his wife was laying on top of him after a few rounds of make up sex. Dereks arms were around her small waist, holding her tiny sweaty body against his.

"That was good make up sex." Meredith mumbled against his strong chest. "Yeah, it really was." Derek agreed, rubbing his hands up and down her back soothingly.

"You remember when I told you it was like I was drowning and you saved me?" Derek asked softly. "Mhm." Meredith hummed.

"That's it. That's the reason I'm staying here. I don't want to go another day without seeing you. You're the love of my life." He said, kissing her forehead.

"You're mine too." She grinned sleepily, turning to roll onto her back. "No. Stay here. I want to hold you." Derek said dreamily. "Okay." Meredith giggled, kissing his neck.

"Round 4 or sleep?" Derek asked. "Round 4."

Hey guys!!! So new story. Just wait a few chapters for me to really get into this, and I promise you'll like it (hopefully!) I'm excited for this story, and I hope you all are too. Thank you for reading!!