Can't Take Back What You Said

7

Meredith woke up the next day with a headache and to an empty room. Which she was okay with. It gave her time to really come to terms with what happened.

Epilepsy.

It was something you heard of, but never really thought you'd get.

At least it was somewhat better than what the other problems could've been. It was manageable. Sure, it would stop the seizures, but it could prevent them sometimes.

But the seizures are what worried her. They could be just absent seizures. Or they could be grand mal seizures. Or they could be petit mal seizures. There are a ton of different seizures she could have.

How would that affect her life? Would she still be able to operate? To drive? To be a mother? Those possibilities scared her.

As she was lost in her thoughts, Derek came in. "Hey." He said with a forced smile. He looked downright exhausted. "Hey." She replied.

"So I uh, I did some research. Thre are certain drugs you can take, that could knock out the seizures completely." He explained.

"Derek-"

"And uh, other families said it's sometimes dangerous to drive with epilepsy. So I-I don't know what to do about that." He added.

"Derek. Come here." Meredith said, patting the bed next to her and shifting over. "What? No. I don't want to hurt you." He replied.

"You won't. Get in. Now." She said in her stern mom voice. Derek sighed and very carefully got into the bed next to her.

Meredith guided his head down to her chest and began running her fingers through his thick dark curls.

"You need to relax." She said. "Mer, I-"

"I know you're scared. I am too. But you can't run yourself into the ground trying to undo it. What's done is done. Epilepsy is a very livable thing to deal with. I will be fine. I appreciate you trying to help, but I need you too." Meredith said.

"I know I just- it's my fault you're in this position. I just want to make it easier." Derek sighed. "Hey. Look at me. This is not your fault. We already went over this. Stop blaming yourself, please." Meredith pleaded.

"I'm trying." He muttered, turning his face back into her chest. "Take a nap." Meredith said softly. "I should be telling you this." Derek mumbled. She smiled. "I'll take one too." She said. Meredith felt Derek sighed against her chest and he draped an arm across her abdomen.

•••

Derek woke up hours later and sat up slowly. His wife was still sound asleep next to him. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he really needed that sleep.

Derek was scared. That was the truth. Meredith would most likely need someone with her at all times. If she had a seizure and no one was there, rhat could be really bad.

"Shepherd." Alex's deep voice said as he came into the room quietly. "Hey." Derek responded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"How's Mer doing?" Alex asked, looking over at his almost sister/person. "She's okay." Derek replied as he sat up.

"Is she actually okay? Like, what happened?" Alex asked.

"She got banged up. She hit her head hard and now she has epilepsy. She should be okay once  we figure out how to manage it." He said with a yawn.

"Good. Um, you should probably go see Zola and a Bailey. Amelia gave them to me this morning and they are a little freaked." Alex said.

"I can't....can you stay with her? If she has a seizure or anytning?" Derek asked. "Sure." Alex replied. "Okay. Call me if anything-"

"I will. Go shepherd."

•••

Derek walked up to the daycare and opened the door. "Dr Shepherd." The worker, Carrie said with a. Stressed smile as she tried to soothe his crying son.

"Hey. Come here, buddy." Derek said, reaching for his baby boy. Derek took his son into his arms and held him close as his sobbing calmed down.

"Daddy!" Zola yelled as she toddled over to him. Derek picked her up with his other arm and held her close. "I'm gonna take them to lunch or sometning. I'll be back." Derek said.

"Daddy, where's mama?" Zola asked immediately. "Um....mama is sick." He replied hesitantly. "Sick? Mama need kisses?" Zola asked adorably.

"Maybe, Zo. How about we get some lunch first and then see if we can talk to mama?" Derek replied. "Okay."

••••

A little bit later, Derek took Bailey and zola to Meredith's room. After a quick call to Alex to see if she was awake, he was on his way.

"I've got visitors." Derek called out with a smile. "Hey!" Meredith grinned as she saw her babies walking in through the door.

"Mama!" Zola exclaimed happily, running unsteadily to her bed and struggling to get on the bed. Derek laughed and helped their daughter up.

Zola cuddled into Meredith's side and smiled. "Mama sick?" She asked. "I'm okay, Zozo." She answered.

"Mer, want to hold Bailey?" Derek offered. Meredith did not answer. "Hold Zo." Meredith said spacey like. Derek frowned but did so and stepped back.

Meredith somehow felt she was going to have a seizure. But this time, it wasn't a grand mal seizure. It was an absent seizure.

Derek immediately recognized it as an absent seizure. "You're okay, Mer." Derek whispered, rubbing her arm. His wife was just staring blankly ahead.

A few minutes later, Meredith came around. "Those suck." She mumbled and she shook her head to wake herself up.

"I know." Derek sighed, kissing her forehead.

Hey guys!!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and hope your doing well. If you have any suggestions for future chapters, feel free to let me know. Thanks for reading!!

Merry Christmas!!