11. Headway

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It's endless, even if I try to run
I've fallen into a lie
Caught in a lie
Please find the me who was innocent
I can't escape from inside this lie
Please return my smile
Caught in a lie
Free me from this hell
I can't escape from this suffering
Please save me who's being punished

It's endless, even if I try to runI've fallen into a lieCaught in a liePlease find the me who was innocentI can't escape from inside this liePlease return my smileCaught in a lieFree me from this hellI can't escape from this sufferingPlease save m...

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Thud!

If I wasn't already on the floor, I would've collapsed when I heard that sound.

Another one dead, because of me. . . .

Tears streamed down my face, but before they could fall off my cheeks, I wiped them away quickly. Could I ever grow used to it? To killing? The thought twisted my insides with a sick feeling. I wanted to grow used to it, to be able to end lives without such agonizing guilt sending pangs through my chest, to be comfortable with it, for my content, when innocent people suffered because of me. This was beyond selfish.

I was tired of it, so tired of carrying the burden of this guilt. Would this pain ever be over? Would this suffering ever end?

I could almost hear fate laughing at me and telling me, no.

My head drooped as a sigh slipped past my lips. How I wished I could go back to being your everyday ordinary loser. I still was a loser, but no longer ordinary. I was a killer.

Out of nowhere, something small and light hit my temple with a tck sound, and fell down to the floor. At first, I couldn't even find the object in the snow that blanketed the rooftop, making me wonder if I'd just imagined it. I looked up in the direction where it had come from to see a hooded figure on the roof of the building on the other side of the street, retreating into the dark of the night. When I could no longer see the person, my eyes automatically started searching for whatever had been sent to me, most probably with a flick of that very figure's fingers.

I could barely see anything with the moonless sky, so I started to feel through the snowy roof with my hands, hoping to find whatever that object was. A few seconds later, I was holding what felt like a piece of paper that was folded over as many times as it could be. Hesitantly, I unfolded it, wondering what this meant. But once I opened it up, I realised it was too dim to make out what was on it.

My lips pressed together. Who was this person? What did they want? Did they want to convey some message?

I looked up and around, and suddenly remembered the corpse in the alley down there. My heart clenched, emotions of immense remorse and guilt mixing with the need to get out of there. I had to go, I didn't even have the time to cry over my actions.

So I left, not forgetting to brush away the prints I'd created on the snow carpeting the rooftop.

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