For Thee and Only Thee Part XV

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"My god..." you whispered, now sitting in the hallway against the wall, your cheeks so red you could hardly breathe. "This...he..."

You were interrupted by Combeferre bustling out of the apartment. You turned your head so he wouldn't see you blushing. You closed your eyes in embarrassment and held the book close to your heart, hands shaking slightly.

"(Y/N)."

"Combeferre, please. I need some time alone."

"Very well, but I have known Enjolras since we were children. I believe I would be able to help explain what is going on." He knelt next to you. "Is that alright?"

You faced him then, your flushed cheeks obvious as you looked at him, embarrassed. You nodded.

"(Y/N)," he spoke softly. "I have known Enjolras all my life. There is not a day I don't remember him being there, by my side. This means I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of Enjolras's personality. Although a great speaker in public, with great charisma, he is not one to socialize outside of his work, nor is he vocal regarding feelings and emotions outside of the cause. I must tell you, (Y/N), he is nervous to communicate with you. I am sure you can relate, due to his marble edifice. But beneath that stony exterior is a heart of gold, which beats faster every time you look his way, every time you open your mouth and speak your honest, raw stories about honest, real people. He loves you, (Y/N), with an unwavering and undying passion, just as he feels for his beloved Patria."

"Combeferre, it is never going to work...if he can't even tell me what he is feeling!"

"He is trying in the best way he knows how. He has never felt these emotions before, (Y/N). He is doing it the only way he knows how. I will leave you with this: I have never seen Enjolras happier than when he is spending time with you." He stood and touched your shoulder, then departed.

You listened to 'Ferre's footsteps to grow softer as you slowly ran your fingers over Enjolras's familiar handwriting.

Je t'aime, (Y/N).

Je t'aime.

Je t'aime.

Je t'aime, (Y/N).

As you continued running your fingers over the annotation, you suddenly stilled.

Someone was watching you.

You turned and saw Enjolras standing in the doorway, one arm leaning against the doorframe.

You slowly stood, gazing at the grave expression on his face.

"Enjolras...you look like someone just died," you said, trying to crack a joke, mortified at the slight tremor to your normally calm voice.

He was quiet.

"Enjolras..."

You paused. He waited.

"...May I hug you?"

The briefest trace of a nod. You blinked and it was gone.

You stood and approached him, wrapping your arms gently around this slab of stone.

"Je t'aime aussi, Enjolras," you whispered. "Je t'aime aussi."

He slowly, carefully, wrapped his arms around you and quietly buried his face into your shoulder.

Then, he let out his breath in a deep exhale, and you felt the literal weight of his worries, his potential misguided interpretations, lift from his shoulders.

He was so quiet it worried you. You gently rubbed his back, allowing him to compose himself, feeling his breaths and rapid heartbeat against you. You moved slightly so you could see his face, and as he felt you moving, he slowly lifted his head. His eyes, for the first time, seemed vulnerable. Human. They gave a look of such gratefulness and tenderness that made you go in for a bigger hug, turning your head to place it on his chest, under his chin, and gently pushing his back against the doorframe as he held you.

"I want to...take this very slowly," Enjolras finally managed to get out.

"Myself, also," you whispered. "I have never felt so attached to someone before, not even after having lived in such a close-knit community...never in this way..."

"I have never felt this way about anyone...ever," he whispered hurriedly. "It frightens me."

"Don't be frightened," you murmured.

"Do you have any idea what you have gotten yourself into, by choosing to fancy someone like me?" he asked, his tone darkening.

Woe to the love-affair which should have risked itself beside him!

"I understand the cause provides an uncertain future, but my future has always been uncertain. I am fully prepared that I might not live through the cause, but you will be by my side either way."

"Not only that," spoke Enjolras in a chilling tone. "You have no idea what I am capable of."

He was a charming young man, who was capable of being terrible.

"I see that you are capable of feeling, and I only wish you would let yourself gain happiness."

"If you choose to risk yourself beside me, please know that I did try and warn you."

"I am not afraid, Enjolras. You speak of yourself as if you are a monster. We are all morally grey in this life, are we not?"

He looked down at you and pressed a fierce kiss to your forehead.

You closed your eyes, and kept your head rested on his chest, as his breaths quickened.

"I have to ask, Enjolras...why did you rip my message out of the Waterloo book? I was so worried you were annoyed, thinking it to be some prank..."

"I know the handwriting of all of my friends, and I do not let many inside my apartment. This logical deduction left only one answer remaining. As for the answer to your question, it has been with me ever since. Let us go back inside. You might check my tailcoat pocket."

You looked at him with amazement as he gently let go of you in order to hold the door open. You walked slowly to his stunning red tailcoat hanging on the wall, and reached into the side pocket.

You felt a small piece of paper inside. You carefully took it out and unfolded it.

Je t'aime, Enjolras.

He had been carrying it with him this whole time.



A/N: Not sure if I like the way I wrote this.  I tried to keep it very brick-accurate.  Enjolras would never love someone after a few days; it would take him months, or years.  That's what makes it so hard to write such a detailed fic because I like writing every moment between them but the plot has to move along otherwise it would be a bunch of small talk for months and hundreds of chapters.  Would love some constructive feedback!

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