It'll Be Okay

the start

You know when everything is going 'too' well. Suspiciously too well, to the point where you're questioning why some sort of tragedy hasn't happened yet. Why haven't I got hit by a car yet after crossing the street while the signal was on? Why haven't I been fired from my job that I'm always on time to? Why is my life going so well...until one day it suddenly takes a turn - for no apparent reason at all. 

Then you start to wonder, why is everything going so wrong? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like my life is about to end & I have yet to tell anyone how much I loved them or write my will with only twelve dollars in my bank account; but your life isn't a bad one. Your brain just makes you think that it is because the war has only begun.

The war with your brain. 

"Stella.. Stella are you okay?"

"Stella, please say something.." 

My vision becomes clear, my mind isn't somewhere else & reality has struck back in, "Yes."

My best friend, she's here & I'm okay. What just happened?

"Are you sure you're okay? I felt like I was never going to get a response from you. That's not like you at all, what happened?" Gwen kneels beside me. I realize I'm lying on the floor, sweat droplets run down my forehead & my heart rate slowly starts going down.

"I don't know," I'm being honest, I have absolutely no idea what just happened. One second I'm waking up for work, the next moment I become pale, I feel cold & my heart rate skyrockets going what feels like a hundred miles an hour. Suddenly my life flashes before my eyes & I'm on the floor. How long have I been down here?

"I want to say about 10 minutes." not realizing I was thinking aloud, Gwen answers me. "Do I need to call an ambulance? Let me go get you some water."

"I'm okay," I am finally able to speak, "I was just trying to go about my day & I just had some sort of abnormal feeling. I might have just gotten up too fast. I'm fine, I promise- you don't need to call anyone."

"Well whatever that was, it'll be okay Stella."

That's where it all began. A normal day, what was supposed to be another normal routine, turned into my biggest nightmare. The day I didn't realize from that point on I wouldn't be myself anymore.

...

"Come on, you haven't gone anywhere in months," Gwen has been trying to convince to come out with her & her beau she swears she's going to marry within the next year, "Please...I miss us going out." 

"Getting drunk at Hendy's sitting at the bar doesn't really sound like something I'm interested in anymore Gwen," I continue walking down the path to our apartment. It's year two living with my best friend in our dream city of Chicago.  Working at my dream job at the Chicago Tribune, & Gwen interning at one of Chicago's biggest fashion corporations. We are living the dream, so it seems in writing.

"I know, but maybe coming out & at least enjoying a few hours away from your computer screen will do you some good," she latches on to my arm as we continue to walk, "don't make me have to buy you those blue light glasses. I really don't want to do that, I think you definitely need to go out more."

"You just want me to go so I can hang out with the most infamous Guillermo," I laugh, mocking his name with a Spanish accent. Making our way up to our apartment, I pull out the keys & unlock the door. Somehow we managed to land a cute apartment just outside of Buffalo Grove. Something very chic with a modern twist.

"Yes & no," she plops down on our couch, "you've only hung-out with him a handful of times & if I'm going to marry this guy next year, it would be really nice if my future maid of honor & future potential fiancé got along."