Letters From a Betrayed Wife

Letter 2 : After One Month of D-Day

Dear Sean

You have asked me if I can ever be the same Serena that I had been before I caught you cheating ?

Hmmmmmm.. what a thoughtful question!

Now you are really concerned for me.

I like it.

But my query is if you are asking me about my physical appearance i.e. my body or my inner self i.e. my heart, mind and soul? What 'normalcy' are you missing in me to be your old Serena?

Can I be the same?

I feel restless, sitting mindlessly in front of the T.V. Everything is the same thing day after day. I know that you either sink or swim. I have always loved a happy ending. I really just wanted to share a life with you as man to me as your wife. I wanted more than just work, cook-eat dinner, watch T.V., bed and repeat. I am still l healing and have my insecurities. It takes A LOT of communication and understanding to make it work. I think any relationship one gets into, you run that risk of getting hurt.

A man who treats you well is a real man and you look so happy. I too deserve happiness!

The stress and strain of living with an alcoholic, porn addict and abusive cheater is horrendous. It definitely takes a toll on one both mentally and physically. I have never had allergies but now I react to thinks like laundry soap. I couldn't eat at all for the first week. What I did eat was minimal literally a bite here or a bite there. It is just because I am not eating and not sleeping well due to the stress of your infidelity and all have been taking a toll on my health as well. I lost 20 pounds through this process of discovery and afterwards in just one month. Your infidelity absolutely did age me, I look worn down, exhausted with a few more wrinkles here and there. I not only lost weight but my hair has also started to fall out. My skin looks dull and tired I hope you might have observed these changes in me. Having a toxic relationship does not help anything. This is something really harsh that a cheater will do so easily and you are the one that suffers. It is indeed hard.

I need to fix this part of me with your money (that you are used to use to please other women) on Botox to help with the wrinkles and had some massages as well as facials. It will definitely make me feel fresh, rejuvenated and awake to put a little kick on my step.

I've cried too much and harder than ever, my hair is falling out in clumps and I've got more grey hair than I ever have had before. I'm otherwise having been healthy but this stress is a killer. The workouts help but I definitely need to add more vitamins and get a better moisturizer. Cardio has been a lifesaver for me as my therapist says that even 20 minutes can help to bring my stress level down because it releases serotonin.

es, I am ready to fight back and get physically as well as mentally fit.

What I still struggle with is continuation of life and normalcy. I struggle with how to once again navigate a normal and healthy relationship with you as I miss the man I had once loved and married. This isn't the same man I had once loved and married but altogether a stranger who lies to me , hurts me ,betrays me , brazenly cheats on me and almost destroyed me. I have been asking God what have I done to deserve this and why did He put this man in my life to destroy me?

I don't know if I am making any sense to you.

I'm just sharing with you.

Don't frame it as a concern but just the transparency. Hopefully discussing my fears will help lessen them. I am very transparent as I have been all through our marriage where as our marriage has turned into a piece of paper for you instead of being a commitment for each other. I suppose we are just legally bound.