Letters From a Betrayed Wife

Chapter 13: My Triggers & Your Lies

Dear Sean,

I hope this letter reaches you with the sincerity and vulnerability it carries. I need to address the hurt and pain caused by your continuous lies and deception, which have left me feeling betrayed and triggered.. 

I want to talk to you about the overwhelming triggers and trust issues I've been facing since the infidelity that shattered our relationship. Certain situations or locations keep reminding me of that painful chapter, leading to intrusive thoughts and emotional distress.

You transferred 20,000 rupees to the account of your brother's son through your subordinate but I caught the WhatsApp message. I got triggered when you sent blunt lies to me.  Then next you tell our children to hide certain things which may trigger my anger, it triggers me to my core rather shakes my soul to ever trust you. You are spoiling our children to lie in front of me. I had hoped for honesty and support when I discovered the truth, but instead, you chose to lie and gaslight me. The trust between us has been shattered, and I find myself struggling with extreme paranoia, unsure of what to believe anymore. Moving forward, I fear that my triggers will become a significant problem, especially as we seek help from therapists and counselors. The idea of socializing with others while dealing with our issues terrifies me.

It has been 11 months since our D day, and I had hoped things would get better with time. But recently, I caught you engaging in questionable behavior, and while it may not be classified as "cheating," it still concerns me greatly. I can no longer place my happiness and joy in your hands; I need to be okay with being on my own and not constantly worried about you potentially ruining everything. I am feeling like burying myself inside the earth's crest to hide myself from the anniversary of the D-Day.

Our 21st-anniversary celebration was lackluster, and you forgot it entirely. When I mentioned it, you made a dismissive joke, making me feel even more unimportant. This only adds to the hurt and disappointment I'm already feeling.

My counselor is challenging me to consider forgiveness for both you and myself, but I find it incredibly difficult to let go of the pain you've caused me. I'm struggling with the idea of forgiving you and accepting your actions.

I've noticed you lying about seemingly insignificant things as well, which further erodes the trust I have in you. It's challenging to deal with a habitual liar, and I'm left questioning what else you might be dishonest about.

Your lying has become a habit, and it's clear that you've learned to use it to navigate situations. However, it's not a healthy way to handle things, and it makes it challenging for me to believe in our future together.

I want to believe that we can heal and move forward, but your constant lies make it harder for me to do so. I hope you understand the gravity of this situation and are willing to take the necessary steps to rebuild trust and honesty in our relationship.

As we navigate through this difficult time, I urge you to reflect on your actions and consider the impact they have on us. I want to believe that we can overcome this, but it will require genuine effort and commitment from both of us.

Recently, there was a situation that triggered my feelings of suspicion and doubt. It might seem insignificant to you, but it brought back memories of past instances of deception and dishonesty. When we were discussing our plans for the weekend, you mentioned going out with your friends for a night out. However, I couldn't help but notice a subtle change in your body language and the tone of your voice.

In that moment, my mind couldn't help but recall a similar instance from the past when I discovered you had lied about your whereabouts. The hurt and betrayal from that time came rushing back, and I found myself questioning whether you were being truthful this time. My heart sank, and I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me.

I want you to understand that it's not that I want to be suspicious or doubtful, but the wounds from the past are still healing, and any similarity to past deceptive behavior becomes a trigger for me. The pain of your past lies has left a lasting scar, and I find it difficult to fully trust you again. Every time I encounter a situation that resembles those past instances, my guard goes up, and I can't help but question your honesty.

I know that rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both of us, but it's crucial that we address these triggers and work together to overcome them. I need you to be patient and understanding during this process, just as I am trying my best to heal and move forward.

Please know that my intention is not to make you feel guilty or burdened, but rather to communicate my feelings and vulnerabilities honestly. I want us to be able to move past this difficult phase and create a stronger, more honest foundation for our relationship.

I need your support and reassurance that you are committed to being truthful and transparent moving forward. It will take time, but with consistent effort and open communication, we can work through these triggers and rebuild the trust that has been shattered.

Last week, we went to a restaurant where we had once shared a happy memory. It was supposed to be a pleasant evening, but as soon as we walked in, I was hit with a flood of painful memories from the time when I discovered your betrayal. I tried to suppress my emotions, but I couldn't help feeling angry, hurt, and suspicious all over again.

In that moment, I noticed a subtle change in your demeanor, which reminded me of the defensive attitude you had during the affair. You seemed to withdraw and became guarded in your words, much like how you were when I confronted you about your lies before. This defensiveness triggered my suspicion, and I found myself questioning whether you were being completely honest with me now.

I want you to know that I don't want to live in a constant state of fear and suspicion, but these triggers are so powerful that they bring back the pain of the past. It's not that I want to doubt you or be hypersensitive to your actions, but the wounds are still healing, and certain behaviors or situations act as a painful reminder of what we went through.

As much as I try to communicate openly with you, I sometimes struggle to find the right words or fear that discussing certain topics may lead to more hurt. I want us to be able to talk about our feelings and concerns without fear of defensiveness or avoidance.

The anger and resentment triggered by the perception that you might not be doing enough to rebuild trust or take responsibility for your actions are also difficult to navigate. I want to move forward, but these triggers make it challenging for me to fully let go of the past.

I understand that rebuilding trust is a gradual process, but it requires both of us to be patient, understanding, and committed to open communication. We need to be honest about our feelings and fears, even if it's uncomfortable. I want us to create a safe space where we can address our triggers and work through them together.

I hoped you could find it in your heart to be understanding and compassionate during these difficult times instead of your guilt and anger that makes me recoil inside more and more like this is  the DDay once again. 

Will you ever understand all this?

Will you ever take me and my requests seriously?

I need your support and reassurance that you are committed to rebuilding trust and understanding the impact of your actions on my emotional well-being.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and for being willing to work on our relationship. Let's face these triggers together and move towards healing and a stronger bond.

Your betrayed but now wise and analytical wife,

Serena

Dear Readers,

Every author wants motivation in terms of appreciation and here both of these come in the form of stars and comments but I feel that I am doing something wrong that is why I am not receiving them from my readers. So though I have written next chapter but I won't post it as my readers don't find this book worthy of stars and comments.