Letters From a Betrayed Wife

Letter 5: STDs

Dear Sean,

I'm in shock of what is happening with me.

My recovery is going well, I think.

However you are pretending / showing off or I don't know really falling apart and its exhausting me to no end.

At least three times, this week, when you behaved traumatised and you had tremors while sleeping with Sam in his room as I don't want to share anything with you now not even a room. My excellent children are more than enough to share with you. So when Sam saw you in that state he ran to me telling that dad have an attack. You took a few minutes to completely come to your senses and become normal. Then you told me and Sam that you woke up with the nightmares that I am cheating on you. Then next time you woks up crying and telling me in front of Sam that I don't care about you anymore and the dreams confirm it. Even though you are beating me up in every dream for my fake infidelity, Sam and Simi were discussing your being two-faced.

I don't know how to handle this. I have tried what you want by comforting you but you are so rude after the dreams I just get freaking angry. You sound like a little boy and what more I have never done anything just the mention of revenge cheating has evoked all this. Now you are dreaming that I am sleeping with married men and that I don't care about our family. 

Chill Dude! 

I DIDNT DO ANYTHING AND I'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING OF THAT SORT.

I am sick and tired of this and i don't know what to do. You refuse to go to therapy because you can't trust a therapist will be able to help you. You just want me to kiss and comfort your ass after you had so many affairs and incidents of infidelity on me and I just can't do it. You expect me to fix this insecurity of yours when I have to crawl up out of this dark hole on my own. Let me be very clear that you are the one who has invited all this upon yourself, no one else is responsible for this not even me. Be bold. Grow up. Be responsible enough to hold the grounds.

So I want to ask you why there have always been double standards in your life.

That's what I'm angered like how can I turn it on you with the lying-cheating with no shame at all and making it very obvious. I just wanted you to know after the realization of the fact that I lied I wanted my liar-cheater spouse to start to see his very own behaviours in me to have a taste of the hellish poisonous recipe of infidelity served to me to kill me as an "old school" wife that's loyal and faithful for forever. Yes, I wanted to give back to you all the lies and deceits. Just to make it clear through this factual truth: 'Don't tell me how to climb a mountain because you yourself have never climbed a mountain.'

'Yes, only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.'

I have the hardest time understanding is that when someone cheats, they have no respect for you (for your family, your marriage). I don't understand how all of sudden they would gain respect for you all because you caught them. If anything, they're mad at you for discovering their double life and for making them change it.

You are in the early stages of grief of losing this secure safe life with me right now but let me be very clear about all my suffering is that everything in me has died including YOU. Stage 1 was being shocked-numb, so of course denial was there. This continues as the stages of grief overlap almost all other stages as the grief stays throughout the life for investing everything in the wrong person. Like any death, this takes years to get through to some sort of peace. Average is 2-5 years with therapy. But if you won't go for therapy then nothing will help 'provided all this is not a mere show-off to get my attention and lost ( forever from myside at least) love'.