The Lies He Spoke

TWENTY SIX

[this chapter contains mentions of substance ab/use]

BLAKE 

"Is it weird that I told Logan I love him?"

Blake was laying back on his bed, one arm folded behind his head, the other holding his phone on his stomach. Olivia's face glowed from the screen.

After Logan had hung up, his little sister called him. Normally, Blake would've rejoiced that she wasn't mad anymore and been jubilant that he was popular with his siblings for once, but he knew that a tense and anxious Logan meant a tense and anxious Olivia. And if both of them called in a panic after Logan had snapped at her, that meant something was up.

But for right now, he just concentrated on one thing at a time.

"No," he said gently. "Why would it be?"

Olivia's face scrunched up like it always did when she was frustrated. "I don't know. I told him and he got all awkward and he looked like I told him someone died and so I tried to be normal but now I don't know if I just made everything so weird!"

Her voice got more and more panicked as she talked and by the end, she sounded desperate. Blake knew he should be more sympathetic, but the entirety of the situation and Olivia's cluelessness made him laugh. "Logan is weird, Liv," he said. "You can't make it more weird."

"But what does that mean?"

Blake sucked his laughter back in. She wasn't going to feel better if he wasn't serious. "It means he telepathically told you he loves you too," he said, something he'd learned over the years. "Just because he's forgotten how to say the words back doesn't mean he doesn't feel them. And that's why we say it to him, in the hopes that one day he'll remember."

Olivia wrinkled her nose. "I don't think it was like that."

"It was like that," Blake promised.

"No, it doesn't sound right."

"Why?" Blake probed. He knew Logan had snapped at her, but he didn't want her to know Logan had told him about it. "Did something happen?"

"I think I made him more mad and stressed. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Blake said gently. "You want to tell me?"

"No. It's stupid. I just bothered him when he was busy."

She stared glumly at the screen. Blake's heart hurt. It wasn't stupid that she wanted to remember her mom or that she missed her. It wasn't stupid that Logan was terrified of giving her this piece of him. But it was stupid that both of those things should come to a cross right this very moment and make them both feel stupid for things that were understandable and they couldn't control.

He couldn't tell Olivia he knew what happened, but he wanted so badly to tell her it wasn't dumb.

"Logan should be bothered sometimes," he said finally. "Sometimes he gets into this shell where he thinks he doesn't want any outside contact, but the truth is, deep down inside where he can't admit it to himself, he does. He does want to be told that he is loved and he does want to be bothered by his cute little sister."

"Blake!"

"As I was saying, don't feel bad about bothering him. I bother him as much as possible so that he remembers he has a little brother who wants to talk to him. And even if I feel like he might get mad at me, sometimes I do it anyways. It's not bothering. It's you pulling him out of his crab shell so he can be a part of this family. Yeah?"

"I don't know...that doesn't make any sense..."

Blake rolled his eyes. "Okay, so what if I lost my train of thought while I talked? I know it made sense to me. So don't think it's stupid okay? Because it's not."