Uncontrollably Yours

A Partnership

"Professor, I can't work with him," Monty says, on Wednesday morning, at the same time as I ask (in an attitude I probably shouldn't use with my professor),

"Why would you pair us together?"

"Listen, this will be good. You both have strong opinions and are passionate. Imagine coming together and finding a mutual agreement on a topic. How good that presentations will be," he speaks with excitement all the while I'm shaking my head the whole time and Monty's looking at our Professor like he's insane.

Again, we voice our concerns at the same time, "an agreed upon topic? This better be a joke," from Monty and, "I wouldn't say I'm passionate," I mutter.

"This will be good," Professor Stevens reiterates and nods at us to go take a seat.

I grumble, "this is fucking dumb," under my breath before turning around and finding a seat. Monty looks like he'd rather sit anywhere else, but reluctantly takes a seat next to me. The other twenty students are also sitting by their assigned partner.

We have to do a persuasive presentation on a controversial topic.

And we don't agree on much. Gender roles is obviously out. Monty suggests the topic of free college tuition to which I told him I wouldn't want to go to college with homeless people. He responded with, "you're joking, right?"

I'm not, but instead of arguing, I offer, "what about police?"

He scoffs and crosses his arm, "this should be good. Please, tell me your opinion on cops."

"I think cops need more training and also maybe a class in psychology or some shit, to better deal with mentally unstable people rather than to shoot them a bunch of times."

Monty uncrosses his arms and seems a little surprised. "That's... actually smart and not at all where I thought you were going with that."

I give a smug smile, "yeah, I'm not as uneducated as you thought."

Now his expression is sheepish. "Yeah, sorry I said that... and brought race into it. I'm not normally like that."

I shrug, "Sorry I don't understand your 'non-binding' shit. I am normally like that," I say seriously, but he looks amused which I don't understand until he corrects me.

"Non-binary, goof-ass."

"Whatever," I say, and he kinda laughs, and I kinda smile, and then we look at each other like we have a mutual understanding between us now. This is when I notice he switched his stud to a hoop ring in his nose. I like it. "Um," I clear my throat, "so police for our subject?"

"Yeah, I'm down for that."

"Cool." And we start researching.

*

The bell rings the second I step through the book store my best friend works at. And I conveniently walked in when my best friend kisses his boyfriend, all smiles and happiness.

That stupid tightness in my chest grows, but I ignore it.

Reid pulls away from his boyfriend, spots me, then takes a bigger step away from his boyfriend.

I roll my eyes, "Reid, you don't have to do that. You can touch your own boyfriend."

"I know, I just..." he scratches the back of his neck, "PDA is uncomfortable for everyone so..." his sentence dies off, so he shrugs, still looking awkward.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm not hung up on my ex like some others might still be," I speak dryly. Not that Reid is my ex... but the heartbreak was all the same.

Grayson, the boyfriend, says to Reid, "I'm gonna leave, I'll pick you up later." They kiss, then exchange "I love you"s, (I have to refrain from making a disgusted face), before Grayson walks out.

"Really, Preston?" Reid questions, looking miffed at me. I shrug and hop up on the checkout counter (okay, maybe that was an asshole comment to make). My best friend responds with a sigh and begins putting books away.

"What's non-binary?" I ask, because if I can be ignorant with anyone, it's my best friend.

"Well..." Reid walks back up to where I am. He looks like he's thinking of the best way he can explain it to me. "Binary means like... two, so in a sense, 'non-binary' could translate to 'not two.' And since the term non-binary refers to gender- the binary being girl and boy- labeling yourself as non-binary would mean-"

"You're neither he or she?" I question, letting his words sink and unravel in my brain.

"Yeah, exactly. I feel like I explained that way harder than it needed to be," Reid comments.

"But, I don't get it. You either have a dick or a vagina."

"Well, it's about your mentality; how you perceive yourself. Some people don't see themselves as feminine, but also don't consider themselves masculine, so they feel they can't identify as neither 'she' or 'he'. So saying they're non-binary is being outside of the gender binary. I don't know, I'm not really the best person to ask. Why are you asking?" Reid questions me.

"Eh, this guy in my class says he's non-binary and uses 'they-them' pronouns which is dumb. Wouldn't that mean he's multiple people?"

Reid rolls his eyes, then grabs a book, "I wonder who's book this is, I hope they aren't missing their book. It would be a real shame for them not to read it." He sets the book down, "get it?" He asks me.

And I think I do. "Actually... that does kinda make sense. Like... using they-them is genderless?" This is exactly what Monty was trying to tell me about pronouns, they/them is the absence of a gender.

"Exactly!" Reid smiles like he's proud of me which actually makes me smile. I have a better understanding of Monty now.

I hop off the counter. "Thanks," I tell Reid. "I'll see you later."

"You're leaving already?" My best friend questions looking disappointed.

"Yeah, I gotta apologize to someone," is all I tell him before saying "bye!"

**

Preston's learning 👏👏👏

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-Xoxo, Bert