It Started At Camp

30 | In My Head

/ November 1 /

Lena

I'm a little anxious about visiting Derek's family in Austin this weekend. For one, the last time we really hung out, it had been just days since my father got their son arrested. I feel like I'm not bringing them any good news. Derek and I aren't together. He's not going to make me an honest woman or whatever. I haven't even graduated high school. I got kicked out of STAR. I am not exactly your dream daughter-in-law.

Derek is good to me. He's been driving for about two hours now and constantly stops whenever I need to use the restroom or because he saw a restaurant I might like. He's sweet like that. Too bad him and Preslee have been dating for about a month now. Even worse, he talks about her all the time. Preslee sent me this funny TikTok. Preslee brought me to this new restaurant. Preslee is so fun and adventurous. Be more like Preslee. Okay, I added that last part. How he doesn't understand I don't like her is beyond me, but I haven't got it in me to tell him. We've found our groove again.

Derek's house is nice. It's pretty big. Looks like a ranch. I wonder if he has cows back there or chickens. I'm hungry. The girls are still super cute and I almost can't wait to give them a little niece or nephew because imagine Destinee and Delilah as aunts. Derek and I haven't spoken about my confession at all. Maybe that's why we've been getting along so well. No real problems. More like, all our problems avoided.

Seeing the girls is the easy part. Now, I just need to greet Mr. and Mrs. Sumter. I hope my smile doesn't look too fake. They're looking at my belly now, gawking at how big I've gotten. I wonder if they hate me. Of course, they'll love the baby. People love becoming grandparents, but how many situations exist where they hate the baby's mother? Too many. I don't know if they hate me because they treat me so nice, but if Derek even utters my thoughts they'd really hate me.

I feel like I'm being interviewed right now. Mrs. Sumter did an amazing job with dinner. This looks delicious, I say. It'd better taste delicious because I don't know if it's true what they say about a certain population not seasoning their food, but I'm about to find out--oh my God this chicken is actually good. Or maybe I'm too hopped up on fast food fries.

They're asking me how I feel. Um, should I mention that morning sickness is actually all the time sickness or that I can never tell which emotions of mine are valid or just hormones or how I have to pee like right now? Or maybe I should spice things up and tell them that it doesn't matter because I confessed to their son's recent partner that I considered adoption. That's after I considered the other a-word. Now, I think I want it. I've had a month to think about it. Like I said Derek doesn't talk about it. I wish he would.

Good, I say. What do you want it to be? Have you considered names? Derek Jr. if it's a boy. Please. No. Derek looks like he wants to save me, but I knew what I signed up for. I don't want to know the gender until the day of, I say. Derek seems to have a problem with this because he says, I hate surprises. That's funny Derek, you surprised me by sleeping with my teacher but I digress. Mrs. Sumter says he or she should be baptized at her church. I'm not Catholic and I don't want my already pure baby being purified again or whatever the point is of that. I tell her Derek and I would discuss. Derek says I think it's a great idea.

Where would the baby live? Home with me. Well, when would Derek see it? Whenever he wanted that's his prerogative, I don't know. I'm getting tired. I need a nap. Dessert's out though! Apple pie. I love apple pie. Okay, you've got me for thirty more minutes. Max. You'd be in school so who'd watch the baby? We'd get a sitter. I'd have the summer for maternity and the baby would almost be six months by the time we'd have to leave them with a stranger.