It Started At Camp

6 | Not Okay.

July 19

Lena 

Up close, Toni de Marco had soft freckles scattered along her cheeks and nose something I never noticed before.  Up close you could see how her bangs covered some acne scars as it sat limply on her forehead.  She had a great smile though, but she didn't wear her retainer.  

I had to sit down when I talked to her because otherwise I felt like I was talking to a child as she came up to about my chest.  Except today I couldn't talk to her because she was late.  She was always late.  I missed working with Cassie as soon as she dramatically hugged me goodbye and was replaced by the fun-sized version of disappointment, but maybe I was being too harsh. 

"Hey!" she beamed when she came in.

"Hey!" I said replicating her energy.  I was positive I sounded fake.

"Sorry I'm late, I just had to get breakfast.  It is the most important meal of the day after all," she said.  "Did you have breakfast?  You always seem to be here so early."  I was taking out the assignment we had been working on the past few classes.  I gestured to the tea and banana on the table.  "Ah," she said unimpressed.  "The cafeteria serves french toast sometimes."

"I'm good," I said simply.  I handed her the script which she flipped through.  Another thing about Toni was that she was very active with her expressions especially when reading my scripts.  I kept my eyes trained on her while she read.  At one point she furrowed her eyebrows confused, then she laughed amused.  I narrowed my eyes trying to decipher each expression.  "So?"

She looked up, her bangs flipping when she did so.  "It's...interesting."

"Interesting...?" I trailed.  I can only play nice for so long, tread lightly.

"The character Margaret kind of reminds me of myself," she said.  "Although I'd never say 'I really want to be with you,' I'd say something more like 'I don't think I can live without you.'  I think it gives it more passion that seems to be missing from this scene.  I mean, Margaret is in love with Rick and a sentence like the latter can really give off the idea that she wants him and the magnitude of her love with just a few words."  I stared at her blankly.  "Just my two cents."  More like your two dollars.  

"If I changed it to--what was it--'I don't think I can live without you,' would you be able to embody this passion you speak of because up until this point we haven't really explored dimensional characters yet.  I don't want to present a piece that isn't ready."

Translation: You can't act.

"I'm ready.  I just didn't know if you were," she said this with a smile but its origins were anything but friendly.

"I'll make the updates," I said not in the mood to argue.  I got on my laptop and started developing the characters more.  I could see their conversation in my head and the more I did, the less I believed Toni, who had gotten up to chat with another actor, could pull it off.  She wanted dimension though, a challenge as an actor, and what more could I do than to provide?

When I had sunk into my groove, she reappeared, watching me work.  I looked up a few times before pausing and saying, "Yes?"

"Nothing, it's just this same passion is what I expected to see Margaret have," she said.  Noting my expression she added, "I'm not trying to be annoying.  I just know you can get me there with my acting.  You are one of the best screenwriters here."  Because she sounded genuine I paused and closed my laptop halfway before turning my attention to her.  "I know you don't like me much and I have to ask is it because of Derek?"