It Started At Camp

5 | Happy Birthday

July 5

Lena

It was a little past midnight.  Cassie and Alexis were late.  Thank goodness.  I was staring up at the top bunk where Parker normally would've been sleeping as I was just now starting to catch my breath.  I was doing everything and anything to avoid turning to my left where I'd see Derek.  I could hear him and I could feel the heat radiating off his body, but we weren't touching.  Not anymore.  What the hell had I done?

I groped for my panties and bra and put them on before getting up and going to the bathroom.  As I sat on the toilet, I closed my eyes tight to, one, shield my eyes from the fluorescent lights and, two, temporarily distract myself from the reality.  I spent extra long washing my hands then stared at the reflection in the mirror.  

It was weird.  I wasn't a virgin anymore and I should've felt different, but I didn't.  Just a little cold.  When I came out the bathroom, I saw Derek sitting up at the edge of my bed.  I threw on some shorts and a hoodie without looking at him.  

"Are you okay?" he asked me while I was changing.

"Yeah, yeah," I said.  Once I was all dressed up, I said, "I think you should go now."  I barely looked at him.  I just couldn't.  I felt the same, but somehow everything between us was different. 

"Oh," he said taken back.  "Yeah, okay."  He rustled about, putting his clothes on and then he stood up.  When he was by the door, he looked back at me.  Across the room, I caught his eye but looked down quickly.  I heard a door open then close and just like that he was gone.

~

I was in class early that morning.  I wasn't sure what Derek would make of our morning ritual, so I decided to leave just in case he thought it was appropriate to knock on my door with breakfast.  The thought of the powder donuts broke my heart a little.  How could I have been so stupid?  How could I have ruined something so good and turned it so bad?  I didn't know how I'd be able to face him after.

I didn't have too much time to think because Cassie came in with a bright smile and a coffee and her hands.  "Hey, babe," she said.  "I didn't get to see you last night.  You were knocked out."  I tensed up thinking about it.  I wasn't asleep at all.  For the longest time I was just staring at the wall with my hand between my thighs wishing I had never let him in.  I remembered hearing her arrive, but I didn't want to greet her because then she'd have a million questions, some that I couldn't even answer.  "Are you okay?" she asked.  I glanced up at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said trying to be convincing enough.  When it seemed like it wasn't working, I changed the subject.  "I made revisions to the script."  I pulled it out of my backpack and handed it to her.  She flipped through it briefly and in no time we had sunk into our rhythm.

By lunch time, being surrounded by my friends brought up my spirits with Tiana cracking jokes, Cassie being silly, and Parker recounting her latest story.  Over Tiana's shoulder, I noticed Derek come in with his group of friends.  When he turned to look at me, I looked down.  "Why isn't your boo coming over here?" Tiana asked.

"Did you guys get in a fight last night?" Parker asked snacking on some chips.

When I didn't answer immediately, Cassie frowned.  "Oh no, you fought."

"No, we didn't," I said.  "We just aren't on talking terms right now."  The girls eyed each other suspiciously.  "I promise it's fine.  I guess I'll just be focusing on me from now on."  I gave them a soft smile. 

They were quiet for a beat, nodding silently then Tiana said, "I knew he wasn't shit."  We all laughed.  "Fuck him and fuck his little birthday."