30 day NSFW challenge - TordTom [ Complete ]

Look guys...

Umm hi guys , I just wanted to come and spill my feelings for a sec

A couple months ago I started liking this boy I knew , in my opinion we was really cute . I would think of him all the time , he honestly just made me really happy . And he honestly didnt know I liked him .

One day we were texting on Roblox and he gave me his number . We started chatting on another app and were vibing .

So a couple weeks go by and I'm still thinking of him . I kept writing paragraphs to text to him that I like him but I couldn't do it . The next day I had found the courage to do it ! I type what I wanted to say and was about to send it when overwhelming guilty started to overflow onto me .

Why would I do this ?
Would this mess up what we already have ?
What is he says no ?

Keep in mind he had broken up with another person about two months ago , during that time it was hard for him . Me and my other friends were there for him though . And to be honest I felt bad for him .

I wanted to give him kisses and say it would all be ok but that would be wrong , he just recently broke up . Why would I do that to him ? I didn't want to hurt him even more than he had been so I kept my feelings to myself .

But as I was thinking I tapped my phone and sent the message on accident . I started freaking THE FUCK OUT . I turned my phone off for a week and cried . I hand told anyone about my crush so it was just me .

I turned phone back on after I had forgot and opened up message's to say good morning . But then he had texted me back ...

" Do I wake up to this huh ? "

" Well I like you too "

I started crying again and texted him back trying to fit all my excitement in one sentence . So after that we had dated for about three months . But after the first week we had seemed boring . It's like he didn't want anything to do with me other than playing a game or two .

So I texted him again and this time I told he we needed some space . He said ok and we didn't talk again for a month . This fucking hurt , I know I told him we needed space but it felt like he fucking abandoned me .

So I texted him again and told him we were breaking up . He said ok and we went our ways .

When school started up again we met back up and we're fine but the thing was he kept mentioning we were " past lovers " as he put it . Whenever he said it like that it make me think he thought our relationship was a joke .

That shit STUNG . We had discord a couple days later and I decided to ask him about it . I asked him did he ever actually like me or did he just say it to say it .

He said he never actually like me . He said that he wanted to make me feel better so he went along with it . He lies to me and that fucking hurt . It felt like he had been toying with my feelings the entire time .

Tears started pouring out my eyes but I continued .

Did you ever plan to tell me ?
No , he said no . He didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me no . But if I had found out he didn't like me wouldn't I have been more hurt ?

I asked him a couple more questions and he answered .

In all honesty I kinda think it's my fault . Why was I so STUPID ? Why would I think ANYONE would ever like me ? Why couldn't I had just kept my feelings to myself ?

I wanted to FUCKING die  .

He's been my second crush that didn't like me back . And the worse part is I still kind of like him . I still get these small fantasies of me and him being together . You know how most of the time Tom and Tord cuddle before and after the smut ?

Those came from my small fantasies  , I don't know why I would still like him though . He hurt me yet I STILL want him to hold me close and make me feel like everything is gonna be alright .

I started pulling my hair out of my roots from pure anger and sadness , yet I still wanted him to run his hands through my hair as we just chill  together .

I gotta fucking stop , I just don't know how .

The only thing I do know is that I'm staying single forever because , if my romantic feelings can't be trusted with my bestest friend . They can't be trusted with anyone ...

Sorry about that guys , I just needed to rant for a bit have an amazing day 💔